WILDCAT SCIENCE THEATER 3000 Episode Six Short: "Why 'Victreebel' only has one 'L'" by Yami Goku ",crack//DEFLECTION" by DVGBA MSTed with permission Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains, Inc. The Swat Kats belong to Hanna-Barbara. Tails, Robotnik and his robotic stooges belong to Sega. Curtis Wildcat belongs to me. As for anyone else...well, you'll see soon enough. Timeframe is the Y2K. ------ (Cue standard WST3K opening. Follow that up with an ad for dish detergent, and we're all set to go.) (The scene opens on the hallway that connects the bridge to the Holocabana. Another corridor that connects that side of the ship to the other is pitch-black. Razor walks through said corridor, pauses, and turns his head back behind him) Razor: (whispers) Sorry about that outfit and making you sleep in the hall closet. We didn't exactly have a large supply with us, and all the available rooms are full as of now. Female voice: (quietly) That's okay. I've been through worse. Or at least, I think I've been through worse; a bit hard to say. (The Swat Kat turns the corner---and nearly runs smack into Wildcat, who's carrying a "Tetris" NES cartridge towards the movie theater) Razor: Whoa...sorry about that. (eyes the cartridge) You've been doing that a lot lately. Wildcat: (nods) Yeah, I know. It's been 6 days, but I still can't get that "Starcraft" movie out of my mind. Razor: (chuckles) So that's why you were playing "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" in the theater all day yesterday. (taps his chin; smirks) And also why you had that 3-volume dictionary in there with you. Wildcat: Yep. Thought I'd squeeze in some more gaming before our next film. So, what's up? Razor: (looks around briefly) Well...you remember how after that last movie, Robotnik told us to have T-Bone in the theater with us? Wildcat: (uneasily) Let me guess: you've got something planned. Razor: Well, yeah. I'm saying this now because this is the only place on the whole deck that isn't monitored for any surveillance at this time. Since we're all going to be busy watching the movie, I decided that we just can't leave all the stuff we're building out in the open for Robotnik to find. But we can't just let it sit there and gather dust either, so.... Wildcat: You're making me real nervous, Razor. Don't tell me you're going to ignore the Tugboat and not include T-Bone in this. Razor: (grins) I won't. After that movie ended, I spent a couple days tinkering with a few of the Satellite's systems. You know how the unit behind the bridge refrigerator is actually a replication system? That's why you're always able to get the food you want. Wildcat: (uneasily) Yeah.... Razor: Well after a while, I was able to combine the replication device with the holographic technology that we use in the Holocabana. The end result of that idea came to life yesterday evening, but since you were pre-occupied I couldn't show you. Wildcat: (understanding) Oh, I get it. You decided to recruit a little extra help. Razor: (snickers) "Little" is right. We needed some assistance in this project, and who better for the job than the smartest feline in the known universe? Wildcat: (puzzled) Who...? (A figure appears behind Razor, walking up to join him. It is about 4'3" with light tannish-cream fur and huge ears. The figure wears khaki shorts, a "Megakat Shockwave" baseball T-shirt, a huge reddish-pink haircut, and a knowing smirk that radiates a smug intelligence. Wildcat's eyes become huge) Wildcat: (shocked) **YOU DIDN'T?!? PLEASE SAY YOU DIDN'T!!!** (1) Razor: Hey; Earth's anime has yours, and Katzalon's has ours. Curtis Wildcat, meet Clawshu Mewkubi. Clawshu, meet Curtis Wildcat. (The newcomer walks forward, intending to shake Wildcat's paw) Clawshu: Hey, great to meet you. Wildcat: (stumbles backwards) As Fred Sanford would say, "This is the big one!" (Wildcat's paw slips out of reach as the calico hits the floor, having fainted dead away. The two of them look down at him, perplexed) Clawshu: (scratches her head) What's with him? Razor: (shrugs) Got me. You understand what to do, right? Clawshu: (winks) You bet! Razor: Good. Robotnik's due to call us any minute now, so be ready to move quickly. Computer: Curtis Wildcat, Miles Prower, Jake Clawson and Chance Furlong, please report to the bridge. Razor: Well, speak of the Blob and he shall appear. If you need anything to drink, speak to the refrigerator and I'll detail the rest after I get out. Oh---and stay out of sight. See you later, Clawshu. (turns to walk away) Clawshu: A-hem.... (Razor stops in his tracks) Clawshu: (smiles) That's "Little Clawshu" to you, Jake. (There is a nervous silence for a few seconds. Finally, Razor laughs, grabs Wildcat's arms, and drags him off) Razor: See you later, Little Clawshu. (walks away) (As soon as Razor is gone, Clawshu revs a fist. She has a triumphant look on her face) Clawshu: I *love* it when people call me that! (Cut to the bridge. T-Bone and Tails are already there. Razor has propped Wildcat, who is slowly starting to come to, in a chair) (The image on the screen materializes into existence. The fat doctor Robotnik is running around frantically, searching for something. Scratch and Grounder are nowhere to be seen. Coconuts pops up in the foreground) Coconuts: Hi, guys. Anything new happening up there? T-Bone: (snide) To save some time, let's just call it dull and leave it at that. Coconuts: (chuckles darkly) Well everyone, that's about to change for the worse. Since the doc's busy, I'm sending you the movie(s) for now. The first one is a short Pokemon explanation, and the other one's an original story about a talking Game Boy Advanced and his adventures...not by the same author, of course. Wildcat: (blinks) Game Boy Advanced? You lost me. Razor: You have no idea what he's talking about? That hand-held system's pretty popular. Wildcat: Not where I'm from, Razor. The technology on your homeworld must be a few years ahead of mine, 'cause the best we've got is the Game Boy Color. Coconuts: And speaking of a few years, that's how far ahead the Time-Comp had to search in order to find it. So get in there, and--- Robotnik: (off-screen) Coconuts! Where'd you put that CD?! I've been looking for it all morning! Coconuts: (nervously) Um, better run. Ciao...down on this! (pushes a button) (Cue the sirens and the havoc. Everyone breaks into a frenzied run) Tails: For once, I doubt even Wildcat's hungry! Wildcat: Save it for the theater. We've got movie sign! (Wildcat shoves open the Hexagon door and heads on through. Everyone else follows him in. Right before the door sequence is initiated, we can see the edge of a tuft of hair brushing past the counter and vanishing stage-right) ----------- 6: The front doors to the Pizza Cat Parlor slide open. 5: A castle door slams onto the floor. 4: Small bubbles float upwards through a small antechamber. 3: A typical Megaman boss door rises open. 2: Several teal glowlamps light your way towards the next door. 1: The typical vault door, embedded in gray walls remniscent of the original "Metroid" mazes, turns and opens to your right. -------------------------------------------------- (The four of them enter and take their seats. From L-R: T-Bone, Tails, Wildcat, Razor) > Hello! Yami Goku again! Here's something new: A non-A-Ko fic! This is > a short fic, so don't get too comfortable. > Razor: I believe it prefers "vertically challenged fic". > Pok,mon belongs to Nintendo, Game Freak, and Creatures, Inc., not me. > If it was mine, I'd say so. But it isn't. > T-Bone: So there. > "WHY 'VICTREEBEL' ONLY HAS ONE 'L'" A Pok,mon FanFic by Yami Goku > Tails: Printer ran out of ink, so we're a letter short. Wildcat: (curious) How'd he come up with that alias? Did a Saiyan come by and ask for lunch? Razor: Wait a few years. And that's "Yami", not "yummy". > -+*+- > > Long ago, in a quaint little village called Red Town, there > lived two powerful Pok,mon trainers. T-Bone: Hulk and Smash. > The first trainer, named Green, trained Grass-Type Pok,mon. He was > especially proud of his strongest Pok,mon, a Victreebell. Tails: Pride comes before a fall. It's still spring, though. > The other, Purple, specialized in Rock-Type Pok,mon. His strongest > Pok,mon was an Onix. One day, these two trainers met each other, and > decided to battle their best Pok,mon against each other. > T-Bone: (Purple) Hey, let's play "rock-paper-scissors". Wildcat: (Green) What, and have you lose again? Forget it. T-Bone: (Purple) Hey, it ain't my fault he keeps coming up with 'rock'! > Green sent out Victreebell, Purple sent out Onix, and the battle > began. Green knew he had the type advantage, so he decided to end it > right away. Razor: Typing at 90 WPM, he finished it in no time. > He called for a Razor Leaf, a move that practically guaranteed > victory against a Rock/Ground element. However, before the attack > could hit, Purple ordered his Onix to use Dig! T-Bone: Hey, it's a Razor Leaf! Can you Dig it? Wildcat: (mutters) Took the words right out of my mouth. > Onix dug underground, narrowly avoiding the Razor Leaf attack! > With an underground assault impending, Green immediately called > for his Victreebell to run to a safe location. Wildcat: (snickers) Hope it evolves again. At least it had feet as a Bellsprout! > Victreebell shrieked, and began to hop to safety. But alas, it was > too slow, and the mighty Onix sprung up from the ground with an > incredible fury, knocking poor Victreebell unconscious! Tails: Give some fertilizer to Onix when you plant it. He'll grow thirty feet in two seconds, I promise. > Green graciously admitted defeat, and payed Purple =P=1,000 for his > victory. Once Purple had left the vicinity of the battle site, Green > went over to his fallen Victreebell. T-Bone: (Green) Ah, no worries. Could you Cut open that bush so we can go home? > He stared at it and wondered how it could've lost to a _Rock_-Type > like Onix. It should've _won_! But just then, Green recalled that Tails: ---Venusaur had asked Victreebell to throw the fight. > Victreebell was not only a Grass element, but a _Poison_ element as > well, which were _weak_ against Ground-Type moves, such as Dig! Wildcat: I'd argue that point, but it probably wouldn't do much good. Razor: Looks like he's mixing the game with the anime, kinda. Wildcat: Well, that's your opinion. > Cursing his stupidity and Victreebell's awful Speed, he delivered a > swift kick to his Victreebell. And he kicked it again. T-Bone: Which would crack first: the bell, or the guy's shoe? > He kicked it and kicked it, and he kept on kicking it until he had > kicked the L out of it. > Tails: How long was he waiting to say that? Razor: 30 seconds. 50 if he used an X Defend. > -+*+- > > THE END > > -+*+- > Wildcat: A couple fancy barriers to keep the end blocked off? Guess he didn't want any more, either. > Anyhoo, my best guess as to why "Victreebel" has only one "L" (and > why "Feraligatr" has no "O") is that all the English Pok,mon names > seem to be restricted to 10 letters, T-Bone: ...is so that we have a nice, even number. > so they fit on your GameBoyr screen. That's the most logical > explaination there is. > Tails: A "Gameboyr" screen...does that turn little kids into games or something? Wildcat: Maybe, if the batteries need replaced. > C&C and Flames to Yami Goku: dark_magician720@att.net MiSTings to the > above address, post 'em somewhere other than F.F.N. > Wildcat: Ferocious Flying Nerds. T-Bone: Freaky Feline Neckties. Tails: Fantastic Four Narwhals. Razor: Guys, enough. It's Fanfiction.Net. Wildcat: (annoyed) Now that that's settled, let's move on to our feature presentation. Roll it! > > > *it was late at night, a computer hacker is trying to hack into a > MMORPG closed beta server so he could attempt to reopen it for > personal gain* > T-Bone: He destroys computers for money? If only it were that easy. > Computer hacker: Hahahaha!!! In just a short period of time, I will > hack into the server and totally use it to my advantage. No one can > stop me now... what the... > Razor: (ominous voice) I am the guardian of the MMORPG beta server. For attempting to break into the server, I will downgrade your computer to "Windows 98". Tails: Wow, that's harsh. > *the computer hacker discovers that the monitor is spewing out > lightning in random directions* > > Computer hacker: *surprised* This can't be... are the rumors true...? > Wildcat: (hacker) Has my computer actually turned into a sentient being...? Razor: Certainly seems that way, doesn't it? > > *suddenly a bright white light shines for a few seconds as the > computer hacker gets sucked in to the computer monitor; he falls > through a warped tunnel of garbled text whilst screaming* > T-Bone: (hacker) *I want my coffeeeeeee....* > Computer hacker: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! > Wildcat: (hacker) I'm reliving the "Freakazoid" intro! > ------------------------------------------------- > > SMBHQ Ongoing Story Board Presents ,crack//DEFLECTION > T-Bone: Oh, please. Like that's original. (laughs) > Starring: DVGBA Game Master Gamechamp > Tails: This guy sure seems full of himself. Razor: No, I think those are seperate characters. Tails: Really? Oh. > Also Appearing: Lupus Napoleon Fred Ed Greatluigi GTX Robot Team > (Black, Blue, Yellow, Green) Princess Terry Dark Magus and more > Wildcat: (as opera tenor; singing) Napoleon Ed, Lupus and Fred, Terry Dark Magus Game Master and more... > Special Thanks to: Game Master Gamechamp Ed > > No Thanks to: Lupus and Napoleon (stop posting pictures, please) T-Bone: (author) I told you already. I'm not interested in all these websites about great French generals! > Fred (stick with the plot) GTX (Illuminati is going down soon!!!) > Greatluigi Dark Magus > > ------------------------------------------------- > Razor: The next time you write a signature, just use your first name. > *it was a beautiful morning, a human-sized Arctic-colored Nintendo > Game Boy Advance by the name of DVGBA is having himself some > breakfast while watching the morning news* > Wildcat: Is that anything like that floating Game Boy from "Captain N: The Game Master"? Razor: Except with better graphics. > NBC Reporter (on the TV): And in Technology news, several teens have > been reported missing yesterday after what appears that they have > been sucked into their computer monitors. Tails: (reporter) According to reports, a laptop recently marched into the school cafeteria and asked for a chili dog. > Their last action done on the computer was logging on a closed beta > test of the upcoming MMORPG "Knightmare Adventures" taking place in > medieval times. Wildcat: (authoratively) Increase your hard drive space, or face Lord Hertzalot in jousting. Time is short, cretin. > The game's developer, Goldrock Entertainment, had no comment on > the incidents in recent weeks, now reaching as high as 150. > > DVGBA: Another news report on incidents. T-Bone: (DVGBA) I don't want to hear about the people who ride bikes off the roof anymore. Give me some real news! > > *he picks up the remote control and turns off the TV* > > DVGBA: That's all I have ever been hearing for the past 2 weeks. WHAT > ELSE IS NEW? Argh... my volume is getting too loud. I shouldn't have > tossed and turned so much in my sleep last night. Razor: (DVGBA) Blasted Sleep Mode's on the fritz again. I thought I just got that thing fixed... > > *DVGBA gets up after finishing his breakfast and heads outside to > take the newspaper; the headline on the paper says T-Bone: "Get a Life, Chump". > "MMORPG is To Blame for Missing Teenagers"; after reading the > predictable headline, he heads inside with the newspaper and logs > onto the computer* > Wildcat: (DVGBA) So tell me Tribune, how's life treating you? > DVGBA: I'm sure the guys at the VGF Fourms would help me get to the > bottom of this. > Wildcat: (Groucho) Drop in sometime. Tails: (Chico) Sewer. > *and so DVGBA heads for VGF Forums to see if there are any topics > about the game "Knightmare Adventures", however he gets surprised as > he sees the title of the topic he just discovered and it says, Razor: Help Wanted at "Video Games 'R' Us". > "Knightmare Adventures Info"; so, DVGBA walks through the topic > "door" (Hey, he's already in the computer, it's allowed.) T-Bone: So instead of logging on, he logs *in?* Must be pretty convenient. Wildcat: Only if there's no system crash. > and sees the huge topic "dimension"; he sees some giant words in > the air that say "If you want the tips, go here to ";; a door > appears and he is about to walk through when suddenly...* > T-Bone: A voice shouts, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here!" > ???: Do not go in, you shall be trapped there for all eternity. > T-Bone: Close enough. > DVGBA: Huh? Who's there? > > *suddenly, a man in a black cloak with long, loose sleeves on it Razor: Emperor Palpatine? > appears out of nowhere* > > Man: I am, for I am The Game Master. > Wildcat: (does a double-take, then settles down) I don't even want to know. > DVGBA: The legendary Game Master? Why are you talking to me? > > GM: This crisis is so great, that it requires my power to destroy it! > Tails: (GM) Required, but not recommended. Could you take over for me? > DVGBA: Oh, so who's responsible for the crisis? > > GM: An evil, Mario-like virus named Code Pasta. He captures teenagers > to absorb their youth to make him stronger. > Tails: Oh, so it's kinda like Queen Beryl took over for Princess Peach. > DVGBA: Well, I've gotta go save those teens. > > GM: I will go with you. > Razor: (GM) Your level's not high enough. Sorry, kid. T-Bone: Tough break. Could've learned a few new attacks. > So, they walk into the door. What is to be expected in the horrors of > the Knightmare Adventures review? > Wildcat: A man runs past them, screaming: "A hundred angry hens will set the coop on fire! Wake your neighbors!" > *after walking through a protal, they end up on the MMORPG website > containing the review of "Knightmare Adventures"* > Tails: (reviewer) I tried to defeat the final boss, but the stupid game locked up on me. > Game Master: OK, so here we are. > > DVGBA: So tell me more about this Code Pasta virus. > T-Bone: (Game Master) It floods the world with spaghetti. > Game Master: It's been rumored that Mario joined Goldrock > Entertainment to get revenge on the Neglected Characters section of > SMBHQ. Razor: (Game Master) So far, they've been wondering what mushrooms and flowers have to do with causing havoc. > As far as I can tell, Code Pasta was first implanted on the VGF > servers that automaticly send a beta invite to anyone that goes to > the NC webpage. > Tails: "Invite" -- the Beta version. Look for "Invite" Version 2.0 to come to a server near you. > DVGBA: No wonder I'm holding this invite in my storage container. > > *DVGBA pulls out a slip that saids "You are invited to a closed beta > test for Knightmare Adventues."* > T-Bone: Hours from 2a.m. to 3...a.m. > DVGBA: I never signed up for any sort of beta test. > Wildcat: (DVGBA) Besides the one I took on the way out of the factory. > Game Master: Same here. I also got that beta invite. > > DVGBA: Hmm... we should go to the NC Board to see if anybody has the > same beta invite. I'm sure we can at least solve this situation. Razor: And this is how "Mysteries Inc." first got started. > > *DVGBA turns around, but Game Master holds him back* > > Game Master: Why the rush? Don't you want to get a little deeper into > this? > T-Bone: (DVGBA) It ain't worth drowning over, bud. > DVGBA: I think it is easier returning with more people. > > Game Master: Yeah, but I know for a fact that several NC Board > regulars are stuck in the game. > Wildcat: (DVGBA) Does this mean that all people who don't use computers are safe? Cool! > DVGBA: How did you know this? > > Game Master: *grins* I've experienced it. The Code Pasta is a virus > that is the most powerful that I've even been in combat with. Tails: (Game Master) Even the thought of it makes me sick. > I promised to everyone that I would bring the one that will free > them all. > Razor: (Game Master) I was going to bring in Superman, but his schedule's full. > DVGBA: So... that means I will be the hero? > > Game Master: Yes, you have untapped potental that you have never > experienced in your life. You will discover them as I teach you. > T-Bone: Should've seen *that* coming. Wildcat: Probably me, but I think we've been seeing a lot of cliches as of late... > DVGBA: Will I get the girl? > > Game Master: I'll pretend that I never heard that. *muttering* Such a > predictable novice... > Wildcat: Yeah. He should be doing it for the sake of Italian foods everywhere. > DVGBA: Shall we go now? > > Game Master: Yes, but first I much teach you how to log in. It > involves hacking into the server. Razor: Indiana Jones he isn't. > I shall teach you now... oh, wait. *notices someone, the nametag > on him says "My name is Fred."* Hmm...strange. Some random guy is > sleeping standing up. > Tails: Enter the wonderful world of RPGs, where people sleep standing up and everyone says the same thing when you talk to them. > DVGBA: How strange... > > *GM pokes Fred to wake him up* > Wildcat: (Fred) *Aaaagh!* Spinning ferrets are attacking me with giant trout, and...oh. Hey there. > Fred: Where am I? > > DVGBA: I was wondering how you got here. You in the Knightmare > Adventures beta too? > T-Bone: (Fred) I'm standing right here. Take a hint! > Fred: *checks pockets and pulls out a similar beta slip* Uhh... I > guess so. > > Game Master: Good. I guess you're going to have to join us as well. Razor: (Fred) Why, does something need repaired? > > Fred: What? But I have to go to bed. > Tails: Show me the way to go home. I'm tired. > Game Master: It's 2 PM you fool. > > Fred: Oh, right. My clock says 2 AM. I was wondering why I sleep in > the daytime. > Tails: (Fred) I'll go, but only if I can sleep while you guys fight. > DVGBA: Can we get going? > > Game Master: Fine. I suppose we should get going. > Razor: And a spectacular adventure begins, during which enemies are fought and the bad guy winds up on someone's dinner plate. > *GM then shows DVGBA and Fred how to "log on" to the game; it's > simple really, he has a list of various user names and passwords* > Wildcat: (Fred) Hmm...Cliffdirt. Password: mynameiscrud...nice try, pal. > ???: *hiding in the shadows* Ahh... fresh meat for me. > Bwhahahahaha... *cough* *hack* *hack* *cough* *snort* Urrgh... I > forgot to use my inhaler again. Oh well... T-Bone: (???) Should've taken my medicine before I logged in. > > *the mysterious creature jumps into the portal before it closes; > meanwhile, Lupus and Napoleon are observing this occuring* > Wildcat: From their hidden fortress on St. Helena. > Lupus: The Plot Destroyer has entered the game. > > Napoleon: Good. Activate the Random Picture Generator! > Razor: Oui! Tails: Who are these guys? T-Bone: It's one of those mysteries you shouldn't solve. > *back with DVG and GM* > > Game Master: What the? > > DVGBA: It appears that numberous pictures are in the way. Tails: (DVGBA) Prepare the Paintbrush program. We've got company! > > Game Master: I'll handle this. *slices the pictures out of existance* > You know, I'm sick and tired of having this OG ruined by pointless > events. > T-Bone: Well, then switch off your computer and go home. > DVGBA: Well, that will all blow over once the plot gets going. > > *after a while of walking, the trio find a village* Razor: (Fred) Hasn't it gotten going yet? > > Game Master: This is one of the few places in the game that currently > have civilization. > Tails: (Game Master) The others got scared away when the designers started laughing at them. > Fred: Good, I need some sleep. > > DVGBA: No you're not. We're going to ask the villagers about what's > going on. Hmm... I should go on a quest. T-Bone: Would be really nice...if you weren't already on one. > > Fred: You do that. I'll get some sleep. > Wildcat: (singing) Wake me up before you go-go... > Game Master: Dude... it's not going to happen. > > *by that time, Fred has already fallen asleep* > Razor: It happened. Wildcat: (yawns) I think I'm starting to like Fred. Tails: We can tell, thank you. > Game Master: Why do I bother? > > Narrator: And so our heroes set off to find information. DVGBA is > looking for a quest. Game Master is asking villagers for information. > And Fred... is sleeping standing up. T-Bone: Can't really blame him. Wonder if he'll fall over if someone taps him? > > *back with Lupus and Napoleon* > > Napoleon: Why can't we just go in there and beat them up ourselves? > Wildcat: (lousy French accent) Triumphe Napoleon! > Lupus: I already tole you. It's safer to stay out of the battle. Just > send out Code Pasta and make sure it destroys those wanna-be heroes. > Razor: (Lupus) Make sure you microwave it first. > *and so the Code Pasta is set loose and heads off for the village > that DVG and the others are in* > > Lupus: I knew I shouldn't have stayed up ALL night thinking of this > simple plan. Tails: You must be tired. Why don't you try sleeping standing up? > Napoleon, Show me the corrdinates of the Code Pasta! > > Napoleon: Let's see... *brings up radar* The Code Pasta is > approaching the village at an alarming rate. > T-Bone: (lousy French accent) Water slide. Tails: Guys, you're confusing me. What's this all about? Razor: A most excellent time trip. Pay no mind. > *at the village, an earthquake is occuring* > > Fred: Wha?! *waking up* What's happening? > Wildcat: Time to rumble. > *GM and DVG run up to Fred* > > Game Master: What's going on? T-Bone: (Fred) Beats me. Is it an earthquake? > > DVGBA: I don't like the looks of this. > > *the trio then discover the infamous Code Pasta, a T-Rex made out of > various pasta; the monster makes a Godzilla-like roar* > Wildcat: (judge) Lupus and Napoleon, you're accused of controlling a pasta monster. Plead "not guilty" or don't; you're getting 20 years either way. T-Bone: Wildcat, shut up. > Game Master: You two, evacuate the villagers at once. This won't be > pretty. > > DVGBA: *calling out* OK everybody. Let's get out of here before we > lose ourlives. > Razor: What about him? Who's he? > Random villager: You heard the gaming system. We must leave. > Tails: (villager #1) What's a gaming system? Razor: (villager #2) Your guess is as good as mine. > Another random villager: To the city of Motowall! > > *DVG and Fred lead the villagers out* > T-Bone: (Fred) You know, you never did tell me which way was west. > Game Master: OK now. It's just you... and me. *pulls out his mighty > sword* Let's do this! > Razor: Um, what's with the fork and toothpick? > *meanwhile in the outskirts of town, a red Megaman-look-a-like robot > is coming out of a cave* > Wildcat: (as robot) That's the last time I eat Roll's oil-and-tabasco tacos! > ???: Well,that was sort of eas...YIKES!!! *he sees Code-Pasta* > Something tells me this isn't part of the game... > > DVG: Hey! You! By the cave! Hurry up and get out of town! > Tails: It's a horde of zeroes and ones! > *later...* > > ???: That's the last time I accept free video games! > T-Bone: (???) They charged me eighty dollars shipping and handling! > DVG: Wait,you're a realy a player? > > ???: Yep,I was asked by some guy who owned some type of new game that > was going to be big. Razor: (???) He said it was on something called a "CD-ROM", whatever that is. > He wanted me to test it, after hearing how much I loved video games. > > DVG: Wait... would you be intrested in saving many peoples lifes? > Wildcat: You do, and the Milton Bradley company'll give you a 25% discount. > ???: Sure. > > DVG: Well... *he explains everything* > Tails: We hated details, so we got the abridged fanfic. > ???: Whoa! So even the game creators are in this! They just made me a > test subject waiting for me to die! Well, I'm gonna help you! You'll > need it. My name is Red, but call me Gamechamp! > Razor: How about I call you an extra? Tails: (DVGBA) So you're the one who scored 10 million points at checkers. Nice. > DVG: Okay, Gamechamp, now let's go help Game Master with Code Pasta! > > *and so DVGBA and Gamechamp went on to help Game Master defeat the > monster, but to their surprise...* Wildcat: (Game Master) Spaghetti, anyone? > > Gamechamp: Holy cow! They're in a staring contest. T-Bone: The first rule of combat: stare at the other person until he/she blinks. > > DVGBA: Now THAT is something I never expected. > > Gamechamp: So what can we do? > Wildcat: Bowling. > DVGBA: Well, I recently accepted a quest and I need some assistance. > Razor: (DVGBA) Tell me, what in the world do I do next? > ???: Hold on, I know what to do. > Tails: (nearly flies out of his seat) Don't scare me like that! > DVGBA: Who are you? > > ???: I am Ed... I guess. > T-Bone: Hey, wait. He's a horse? Wildcat: If they can use telephones, they can use computers. > DVGBA: Hello Ed. I'm DVGBA and this here is Gamechamp > > Gamechamp: OK, to summarize, you are Ed. T-Bone: (bored) That's nice. Moving on... > > Ed: Uhh... yeah. > Razor: (dumb voice) Uhh...that my name? Who's Ed? > Gamechamp: Good, now what was that quest you were talking about DVG? > > DVGBA: Well, I hear that some slaves are trapped in a nearby cave. Tails: (DVGBA) The sooner we go, the sooner this story will end. > Maybe if we can get there quickly, we won't have to make any major > encounters. > Wildcat: The second rule of combat: fight monsters in caves in order to gain EXP points. Otherwise, quit. > Fred: What about Game Master? > > DVGBA: Oh, he's still in that staring contest? > > Game Master: Any time now... > All: Ka-Boom! Razor: Who knew a stare-activated bomb could be so powerful? > *Code Pasta continues to roar hoping that GM will blink soon* > > Gamechamp: We'll be gone long enough that GM will realize that we're > gone. > T-Bone: (Game Master) Looks like I win, you guys....Um, guys? Where'd you go? > DVGBA: Good point. > > *and so our heroes minus Game Master are on their way to the nearby > cave, but it wasn't long before they started to see weird things* > Wildcat: Artwork by Dali and Picasso. > Ed: Oh no DVG... you're turning pink! > > Gamechamp: What? > Razor: I figure the rest of the universe would agree with you there. > Ed: Oh wait. Nevermind... > > DVGBA: Get a hold of yourself. This is the cave that make people have > strange visions. > Tails: (Ed) Like that Pikachu back there that's trying to sing EMF's "Unbelievable"? (2) > Gamechamp: Now I was wondering who this OG keeps messing up. > > Fred: Darn. We gotta be careful. > T-Bone: (Fred) ...of anyone with the letters "og" in their names. > *the group ends up at a fork splitting the path into four ways* > > DVGBA: It's a miracle. We can split up and take each of the pathways. > Wildcat: (DVGBA) There should be a spoon and a knife around here somewhere. > Gamechamp: How is it a miracle? What if all of them are the wrong > way? > Razor: Nearby traffic will let you know by pointing out how loud their car horns can be. > DVGBA: Don't worry, if you feel that you're in the wrong pach, just > try another one. > > *so from left to right, Tails: We've got Meeney, Moe, Miney, and Eeney. > Fred takes the leftmost path, DVGBA takes the middle left path, Ed > takes the middle right path, and Gamechamp takes the rightmost path* > > Narrator: What surprises will affect our heroes now? > Wildcat: A man runs by and screams, "Turn back, lest you invoke the wrath of the banshee chihuahua!" > *it was unfortunate that there were weird visions of DVG and the > others being destroyed in verying ways, but there is really no one in > the cave... at least until the end of the path* Razor: Video games and reality collide as DVGBA and Co. take on the circus parade. More, after this. > > DVGBA: This is getting stranger by the minute. Who's trying to > control my fate? > T-Bone: That strange little creature sitting at the computer screen. > *nearby, a strange creature lurks watching DVG's every move* > T-Bone: Must be on a roll today. > ???: Soon, you will pay for messing with me. Yahahahaha... *cough* > *cough* *hack* ARGH! Whats the point of laughing if I keep coughing > like this? Tails: I thought it was dramatic effect, but I guess not. Wildcat: You mean this thing has drama? > > *surprisingly, everyone came through the paths alright* > > Fred: Whew! That was close. Razor: (Fred) Trying to defend against illusions can be very tiring. > > Gamechamp: I've seen more strange things in this game than anywhere > else. > T-Bone: (Gamechamp) I ain't including real life in this...just so you know. > DVGBA; You're right. So now what? > > Ed: Well... there are the slaves over there. We can free them. > > ???: Not so fast! Razor: (???) Hold it right there, buddy! You haven't paid your electric bill in months! > > *two ogres land in front of the group; for some reason, they look > like the Mario Bros.* > Tails: If they're the Mario Bros., I hate to see what the goombas look like. > Gamechamp: Holy cow! Who are you? > > Orge 1: My name is Ogario. Wildcat: Ogario Ogario... > > Ogre 2: And I'm his brother Oguigi. > Razor: ...And his brother Oguigi Ogario. > Ed: How original... > > Ogario: How DARE you make fun of us? T-Bone: Like this: you're an ugly idiot. > > Oguigi: You'll pay for messing with the Ogario Brothers. > Razor: (Oguigi) Start with that video game. Why am I not in it? > *the heroes pull out their weapons* > > DVGBA: Let's do this! > Tails: He made a lasso using a link cable? T-Bone: What do you mean? Tails: It never said what his weapon was, so I'm just guessing here. T-Bone: (shrugs) Let's go with that. > *suddenly, the black-cloaked Game Master appears and impales the > ogres with his Game Sword* > > Gamechamp: Uhh... that was stupid for a late entrance. > Razor: ..... T-Bone: (Gamechamp) See? He agrees with me. > DVGBA: So, Game Master, how'd the staring contest go? > > Game Master: Let's just say Code Pasta is a sore loser. Besides, I'm > wearing a mask under this hood, so I could sneak a few million > blinks. > Wildcat: If he could blink like Zorak does, he wouldn't be able to get away with that. T-Bone: Oh, if only... > Gamechamp: Oh, ok. > > Game Master: Code Pasta said he'd be back, but he sent a minion in > the process. Wildcat: Warme Ravioli. > > Gamechamp: Who is it? > > Game Master: Well... > Razor: You wish. > *the world explodes; fortunately for mankind, it's just a picture by > Jay* T-Bone: (sarcastic) Wonder what kind of fancy drawing program made that oil painting. > > Gamechamp: Well, if that was the minion, then we just won! > > Game Master: No, I just posted that to be funny. The real minion is > Lupus. > Razor: (Game Master) If you fight him, stay out of direct sunlight. He hates that. > *suddenly, Lupus appears* > > Lupus: I will turn you all into chee... Tails: Huh? Okay, whatever. > > *but before he can finish, Gamechamp impales him with his Champ > Blade* > Wildcat: Dumb. That's all I can say. > Lupus: I...cannot...lose...ugh... *dies* > > Gamechamp: Odd... that was a robotic clone of him. > T-Bone: Want to do stuff without doing it? Send in the clones! > Game Master: So that was who kept making those coughing sounds. > > DVGBA: Well... I guess we can free those slaves now. Tails: (DVGBA) If there are any more distractions, they'll have to wait. > > Game Master: Slaves? Oh yeah, I freed them while you were having an > encounter with those ogres. > Razor: (impressed) Okay, now THAT'S fast. > Ed: So are we going to be teleported back outside in a tytpical > RPGish way. > > *they suddenly appear outside* Wildcat: That answer your looks-like-a-question-but-wasn't? > > Gamechamp: I was afraid that was going to happen. > > Game Master: Nevermind that. We must get to the next city. T-Bone: (Game Master) After all, who'd know what would happen if we didn't? > > Fred: That would be Motowall if I'm not mistaken. > > Game Master: He's right. So onwards to Motowall! Razor: The headquarters of Motorola! > *notices another standing sleeper with a nametag saying "My name is > Grealluigi."* Hey, look. Another person sleeping and standing up at > the same time. Wildcat: (boss) I hired you for your sleeping abilities, not your thinking abilities. > > Gamechamp: Weird... why do we seem to be encountering these types of > people? > Tails: Um...a glitch in the program? > DVGBA: Let's just get past this sleepy person. > > *the group then continues on their way to Motowall* > Tails: Gamechamp had to slap Ed a few times because he wouldn't stop singing "Highway 40 Revisited". > GL: *eyes still closed* But I'm not really sleeping. I'm waiting for > the right time to rid the world of all evil, DVGBA. > Wildcat: That should free up quite a few time slots on the TV networks. > *our heroes finally arrive at Motowall; it was a bustiling city > filled with many people* > Razor: Most of them copies of the same two people. > Game Master: Here we are. > > Gamechamp: So this is Motowall. Nice. > T-Bone: (Gamechamp) Now I'm going to get a pager. See you later. > DVGBA: This looks very busy. Shold we go to the nearby tavern? > Razor: Want to? Yes. Have to? As if. > Game Master: To drink? > > DVGBA: No, to get valuable information... and maybe a girl... > Wildcat: (growls) Unsung hero, or desperate loser? You make the call. > Game Master: ~_~() > > Fred: I'll get some sleep while standing up. Razor: (as Jim Carrey) Snooooze. > > Ed: Same here. I hear those people make good money. T-Bone: (to Wildcat) Sounds like your kind of job. (Wildcat's left ear twitches) > > DVGBA: You do that. The others will go to the tavern... and it's not > to drink. > Razor: (DVGBA) We're going to consume stuff that'll give us major headaches later, but we're not going to drink. Tails: What's the difference? > *DVGBA, Game Master, and Gamechamp walk into the Motowall Tavern; the > place was filled with all sorts of party freaks* > > Gamechamp: Oh cool. There is a Party Goers! pinball game. I want to > give it a try. *goes to the pinball machine* > Wildcat: (shouts) Hey, give me a try when you're done! Razor: No good. He'll get a hundred free balls and be up playing that game all night. > Game Master: OK, I know someone in here who'll give information. You > better not start a fight with anyone. > > DVGBA: I won't. > Tails: No Jedi to beat down the other guy? > Game Master: Good. > > *GM looks for the someone while DVG walks to the bartender* T-Bone: (DVGBA) I've seen you before...I just can't remember. Wildcat: (bartender) I work here. T-Bone: (DVGBA) Could be it. > > DVGBA: Gimmie a Pepsi One. > > *the bartender give DVG a Pepsi One, in which he galdly accepts, > but...* > Razor: (bartender) What's the exchange rate for AA batteries again? > Bartender: Hey, you OK? > > *DVG was falling asleep at the bartending area* Tails: Let's take that as a "yes". > > DVGBA: Darn, why did I keep falling asleep? > Wildcat: (Garfield) That coffee was decaf, you fool! > Bartender: Don't ask me. A lot of people have been falling asleep in > this OG... > > DVGBA: Oh, right. T-Bone: Don't remind us. Maybe we should do the same at some point. > > *near Motowall* > Razor: The world's fastest barricade. > GL: I'm going to make sure that brat DVGBA doesn't do anything > remotely redeeming to the storyline. > > Narrator: Are you sure that's a good idea? Tails: Um, GL...why are you talking with the narrator? Wildcat: I'm getting a "George of the Jungle" flashback here... > > GL: Yes. By killing DVGBA, I can replace him as the hero so I can > truely show you how to make an OG work! > Razor: So much for ridding the world of all evil. > Narrator: Whatever you say... > > GL: Since when did the narrator had a face...? > T-Bone: Since the day he managed to save it. > *back in the Motowall Tavern, Game Master make a run-in with the city > mafia* > > Gangster: You made a very BIG mistake! Tails: Ate garlic bread without parsley. > > Game Master: What did I do? > > Narrator: Will Game Master survive this run-in with the mafia? Find > out in the second chapter of ,crack//DEFLECTION! > > Wildcat: Show me coffee without a break, and I'll show you a movie without paws. Razor: (nudges Wildcat) That wasn't funny. Wildcat: Heh. > > Narrator: When we last left off, Game Master accidently ran into the > city mafia. Will he survive? > > Gangster: You made a very BIG mistake! Razor: (gangster) You ran into us in a *medieval* setting! We just set time on an infinite loop! > > Game Master: What did I do? > > Gangster: You stepped on our property. > T-Bone: (gangster) You break it, you buy it. > Game Master: Who are you guys? > > *another Gangster walks up to GM* > Tails: (gangster) We're from the future, you jerk. Any more questions? > Gangster 2: We're a local branch of The Sopranos. > > *the theme song for The Sopranos plays out of nowhere* > > Game Master: How stupid... > Wildcat: (mutters) It would be NICE if I knew what in the world the "Sopranos" were... Razor: If *you* knew, it wouldn't be nice. Trust me on this. > *one of the gangsters grabs GM* > > Gangster 2: You think you're a wise guy? > T-Bone: (GM) Compared to *you* guys, maybe... > Gangster 1: Stop with the talk and kill him. > > *Gangster 2 was about to shoot GM with his gun when suddenly...* > T-Bone: The gangster forgot he was allergic to metal and sneezed himself away. > ???: ICE TORNADO! > > *the gangsters were thrown to the air by a mysterious tornado of ice, > they land onto the ground hard* Razor: (chuckles; nods) Very descriptive action. Wildcat: Yeah, if it's possible to microwave ice cream without it melting. > > Gangster 2: Oww... we don't stand a chance. > > Gangster 1: Let's get out of here > Tails: (monotone) We can't win. Let's run away. > *the gangsters flee for their lives* > > Game Master: That was close. How did you... *turns around and > discovers that DVGBA was the one who did the Ice Tornado* > T-Bone: Sounds like a "Slurpee" flavor. > ------------------------------------------------- > > SMBHQ Ongoing Story Board Presents > Razor: Three tons of scrap metal. > ,crack//DEFLECTION Chapter 2 > Wildcat: Let's recap. > Starring: > > DVGBA Tails: The hero. Otherwise, no comment. > > Game Master > > Gamechamp > Razor: Two people identical in everything except name. > Also Appearing: > > Lupus > Wildcat: (as Depeche Mode) You know how hard it is for me to shake the disease... > Napoleon > > Fred T-Bone: A weird guy who takes orders from a rock. > > Ed > Tails: (dumb voice) Jawbreaker! Ha-huh-huh! > Greatluigi > > GTX > Razor: An unknown. Rumored to have driven in the Indianapolis 500 once or twice. > Robot Team (Black, Blue, Yellow, Green) > > Princess Terry T-Bone: Short for "terrible". > > Dark Magus > > and more > Wildcat: Special appearances by Mr. More and his cousins Many, Much Much, So Much, and A Lot. > Special Thanks to: > > Game Master > Tails: ---for bringing the lawn chairs. > Gamechamp > > Ed > Wildcat: For the crayons and the plastic bags, respectively. > No Thanks to: > > Lupus and Napoleon (stop posting pictures, please) Tails: No one told them about the 30K size limit, huh? > > Fred (stick with the plot) > Razor: (author) I don't want their stats to get maxed out, or else the final boss will be extremely wimpy! > GTX (Illuminati is going down soon!!!) > > Greatluigi T-Bone: Meet Notsogreatkoopa. > > Dark Magus > > ------------------------------------------------- Tails: Boring Zero Flight, you're cleared for takeoff. > > DVGBA: Impressive. Is it not? > Wildcat: Cliche'. That's what it is. T-Bone: That tornado, or the cast list? Wildcat: Whichever. > Game Master: Well, that was pretty cool. > > DVGBA: Found the peson you're looking for? > Wildcat: (Game Master) Yeah, but I figure I might've spent it crossing the Rio Grande. Razor: Do you enjoy making those lines? Wildcat: (shrugs) Sorry. It's a habit of mine. > Game Master: Not yet, but I can assure you that I'll find that person > soon. > > DVGBA: Should we get going? > > *DVG and GM return to the Motowall Tavern in search for information, Tails: And they find people sitting around instead. > where they find a purple-furred monkey wearing a trench coat sitting > on a bar stool, smoking a cigeratte.* > Razor: This is what happens when genetic experiments go horribly wrong. > Game Master: There he is. The Velvet Monkey. > > DVGBA: Wait - you don't mean THE Velvet Monkey? > T-Bone: (DVGBA) The one whose cousin got that part in "George of the Jungle?" Wildcat: (palms his forehead) Oh, man...more deja vu. > Game Master: Yes, the most feared gangster/martial artisty of all > time. If we stay on his good side though, he could help us. He may > have valuable info. > > DVGBA: He's looking at us! > Tails: (whiny voice) Mother, he's looking at me! > Velvet Monkey: *stares at Gamemaster for a few seconds, then grins.* > Ah, Gamemaster. Long time no see. > > DVGBA: The Velvet Monkey knows you? > T-Bone: (Game Master) Yeah. I helped him out with "Romeo and Juliet". > Game Master: Yes, I helped him with a cheese smuggling operarion some > time ago, and he promised to return the favor. Wildcat: That explains the packaged bologna on his doorstep. > *to the Velvet Monkey* Hello, Great Velvet Monkey. we need your help. > Tell us what you know about Code Pasta. > T-Bone: (Velvet Monkey) He's big, ugly, and hates plumbers who say "Mamma Mia". > *meanwhile, Ed goes up to a Knightmarez Knewz board, which dates back > to a few weeks, about there being a huge theft of 50 hp revival > cheese; Razor: I know there has to be health restoration in this game, but cheese? Tails: The Cheese aliens are taking over, Razor. > on the other side, it shows a list of the most wanted gamers which > will turn back into lvl one noobs if caught, then he must be turned > in to the nearest mod hq for a grand reward. Wildcat: Terrific. Not only are they humiliated, but the captor's reward is a tuxedo. > > [-Top 1 criminal-] > > [Game Master for rare item theft, newbie beating Wildcat: (Groucho) I wanted to get a writ of habeus corpus, but I should've gotten a writ of you instead. > and selling promotional items, which he made multiple copys of, at > the local markets.] > > Ed: ...money sense.. TINGLING!! AHAHAAH!! JACKPOT!! Tails: Spiderman he isn't. > > Velvet Monkey: Whats up with the guy in the red armor and white cape? > T-Bone: He's obsessed. > Game Master: Oh you mea.. ED!! > > *Ed knocks GM over and holds him down as he is ranting "Piggy bank!" > to GM over and over* > Razor: Either this guy comes from a lower-class family, or he's just plain nuts. Others: Choice #2. (Razor nods) > Game Master: I... am... not.. a... CHECK!!! *knocks Ed over into a > group of guys playing poker, who which begin blasting their laser > pistols at them* T-Bone: Not a very bright idea. > > DVGBA: Laser pistols... in medieval times? I'm so gonna look like a > piece of cheese after this... unless we DUCK! > Wildcat: A peasant knew he was a gaming system and Gamechamp's playing pinball, and he's curious about laser pistols? > *everyone ducks; the lasers barely miss them* > > Game Master: That was close... Tails: (Game Master) The lasers were shooting at snail speed. No wonder we had enough time to talk! > > Ed: Ah ha! There you are Game Master. You've been stealing rare > items! > T-Bone: (Ed) Like my one-of-a-kind mood ring that glows purple for "huh?" > Game Master: No wait... it's the Code Pasta. > > Velvet Monkey: He's right you know. We should talk this over at the > pinball tables. Razor: (Velvet Monkey) But first, do you mind if I slap someone? I have a reputation to protect. > > *at the pinball tables* > > Gamechamp: Tilt! YOU MONSTER! > Wildcat: Do that. Then we can push him and make him fall over. > Velvet Monkey: Are you done yet? Anyway, here's what I know about > Code Pasta... He is Top Virus #1. He has been my rival in smuggling > for years. His weakness is... Ragu Sauce. Tails: (Velvet Monkey) That, and Parmesan cheese. > He likes to bathe in it. Literally, he pours it in his bathtub! Get > some of the sauce, and... > > Ed: ENOUGH! I've had it! It's time to finish you off! > T-Bone: (Ed) Us angry people never listen to logic! > Game Master: Ugh. Ice 5! > > *GM freezes Ed, but he breaks the ice; Tails: (Ed) I bought some lunch. Who's hungry? > he tackles GM to the ground, but GM sinks into the ground using > his Phantom Powers; he rises up behind Ed, grabs him and, holds a > sword up to his neck* > Razor: (GM) I'm sorry, but you must never insult my cousin Ryoko. > Game Master: Now you will stop this. > > Ed: Never! I'm gonna get the $300 million dollar reward on your head > and move to a mansion in Mexico! Razor: Little did Ed realize that a hacker added eight zeroes to the actual number... > > Game Master: NO! I want $300 million and a mansion in Mexico! > Wildcat: I'd just be happy with a chocolate pie, but some people have no sense of proportion. > *GM continues to use Ed as a human shield* > > Game Master: You will let VM finish! > Tails: (Ed) No! T-Bone: (Game Master) Humor me, please... > Ed: No I wo...ouch! > > *GM slowly slices the thin top layer of Ed's skin* > Wildcat: (sickened) For a Coca-Cola, I'll pretend I didn't see that. > Ed: I'm not dead? > > Game Master: No, idiot! Wind 3! > > *GM blasts Ed onto the ground his Wind 3* > Tails: His Wind 3 *what?* > Velvet Monkey: Good, now then. Get the sauce and put acid in it. When > he bathes in the sauce, it's BURN CITY!!! AHAHAHAHA!!! > T-Bone: Thanks for sharing that with us. I feel much better now. > Game Master: Thank you for sharing that with us. We'll take our > leave. Come, Ed. Magnetism! Razor: And everyone gets thrown back into real life as all the data's gradually deleted. > > *GM picks Ed up and uses him as a human shield once more as the > heroes leave* > > Velvet Monkey: I like that GM. > Wildcat: (Velvet Monkey) Did a nice job during his tenure at my father's company. > *outside, Ed gets dropped to the ground and coughs a few times; then > he grabs GM's robe and gets dragged against the dirt road* > > Ed: Come... *FRICTION BURN!!* here... you *INNER SKIN TISSUE!!* > theif... > Razor: (creepily) I need a brain...for my master... > Game Master: Oh please.. you're practically gonna die!! > > *Ed suddenly takes out a rainbow potion, which heals him to his max > potential and raises his stats up making him stronger; then he gets > up and take out his flame sword* > Tails: Was that what they call a "convenient plot contrivance"? T-Bone: Depends on who its convenient for. > Ed: Time to bring home the bacon... > > *GM unsheathes a black katana and charges at Ed, who jumps over him > and swings at his back, but then he blocks with a side angle hold; Razor: That move's pretty common if you're into architectural work. > they both release from putting pressure against each others blades > and try to knock themselves down and backward flip a few feet away > from each other* Tails: (to himself) Guess he was right about the cliches earlier. > > Velvet Monkey: I give them a 10. > > Gamechamp: I give them a 9. > Wildcat: (announcer) Velvet Monkey: 10. Gamechamp: 9. Wildcat: hi, my name's Wildcat. > DVGBA: We are rating the fight styles why? > > Velvet Monkey: WOAH! GET OUT OF THE WAY!! > T-Bone: Incoming...something! > *everyone except GC got out of the direction the fight is heading > leading GC to be cut into a stack of slices; Razor: Question. Why is he called "Gamechamp"? > then for no reason, a small sticks on top of the slices which says > "Fresh Cut GameChamp, 2.95 a slice."* > > Gamechamp: I feel so cheap... > Wildcat: Shouldn't have sold your contract to Warner Brothers. > *then another sign falls down onto GC's forehead which says, > "GameChamp being insulted: Priceless. For everything else there's > MasterCard."* > Razor: Hasta la Visa, baby. > Game Master: Enough of these comedy antics! ARGHHHHHH!!!! > > *GM is about to downward slash Ed into oblivion until for some > reason, Tails: Instant system freeze. > GM disappears and the message "GameMaster has been disconnected > from the internet." appears* > > Ed: That was uncalled for... T-Bone: Says the guy who wanted $300 million and a Mexican mansion. > > DVGBA: Weird... it looks like Game Master has a connection problem. > > Ed: Don't blame me... Game Master started it. > Tails: He's greedy *and* a liar. Wonder who reprogrammed him before all this started. > DVGBA: Enough. We have to revive Gamechamp. Anyone have a Phoenix > Down? > > Velvet Monkey: No. Razor: (Velvet Monkey; mutters) I did *not* want to do that joke about having a Phoenix down. > > Ed: No. > > Fred: No. > T-Bone: All of the above. > Bartender: No. > > Ed: Yes... uhh... I mean no. > T-Bone: (Ed) Uh...what was the question? > DVGBA: Good, I used the question as a distraction in order to get a > Phoenix Down. > Wildcat: (facefaults out of his seat) D'OH! Razor: (looks down at him) You know, you've got to tell me how you do that. Wildcat: (gets up and sits back down) Purely reflexive, Razor. > *within moments, Gamechamp is revived* > > Gamechamp: Yay! > > Ed: Should we wait here until Game Master logs back on? > Tails: Sure, if you want to drag this on forever. > ???: Oh... why the rush? > > ???: 2: I think you'll get crushed. > T-Bone: (???) Just go on ahead; waiting will get you what I just said. > Gamechamp: Just who do you think you are? > > ???: I'm sure the GBA knows us well. > Razor: (???) But then again, my mind is still a bit hazy from that anesthetic... > ??? 2: What she said. > > DVGBA: Don't tell me... you're... Wildcat: (DVGBA) Color and Pocket! Haven't seen you since high school! How've you been? > > ???: Prepare for competition. > > ??? 2: Did I become a repitition? > Tails: We're being annoyed without fail. Razor: It is time to kick some tail. > ???: To annoy the world with better sound. > > ??? 2: To make you go around and around. > T-Bone: To save some time, stop that rhyme! > ???: To revive the Indian reservation. > > ??? 2: To save the trees by preservation. > Wildcat: To promote the value of breath conservation. > ???: Game.com! > > ??? 2: Neo Geo! Tails: (giggling) I can tell where this is headed! Razor: If only that were something to be proud of. > > Ms. Game.com: Team Rivalry making a comeback. > > Neo Geo Pocket Master: Don't make me use you as a rack. T-Bone: Shut up, you quack. > > *a Digimon named... erm... well... "Digimon" lands in front of Team > Rivalry* > > Digimon: Time to get whacked! > (Wildcat and Tails try to hold back extreme laughter, but fail miserably) T-Bone: (scoffs) *Someone's* desperate for attention. > DVGBA: You guys? Impossible! > > Ed: Whoever those Team Rocket ripoffs are, they're not going to stop > us. > Tails: (still chuckling) Yeah; I mean, James could probably beat them. By himself. With one hand. (stops laughing) > Gamechamp: Uhh... I'm going back to playing the pinball game. > > *Gamechamps tries to go back to the tavern, but DVGBA holds him back* Razor: It's too tilted; now it's facing the wrong angle. > > DVGBA: You're not getting away this easily. > > Gamechamp: Fine... > > NGPM: Are we going to fight or what? T-Bone: (Gamechamp) I dunno. You tell me. (Wildcat stops laughing) > > DVGBA: ~_~() Fine. We'll fight in a predictable manner, with you guys > always losing. > > Ms. Game.com: Good, prepare to lose! > Wildcat: Stage one: denial. > Gamechamp: Hmmmmmm... I know some people who will help! When I > started testing this game for those guys, I also brang some friends > of mine, Tails: ...And they stood around and stared at each other as if no one knew what he was talking about. > and we split up at one point to go on different quests. Now it looks > like I'll need to call them back! *opens a part of his arm, and > presses one of the many buttons inside* > Razor: (Gamechamp) Hmm...Sappy Dialogue? Nah...think I'll go with "Sidekicks". > *meanwhile... there is a yellow robot in a colliseum, fighting with > somebody* > Wildcat: (Threepio) You be quiet, you misplaced bucket of bolts. I don't know what's going on here, but it's obviously your fault! > Yellow: I'm going to beat you easily, and then that prize money is > mine! *hears a beep* Whoa! Sorry, but we'll fight later! *runs > outside, jumps on a yellow motorcycle, and leaves* > Razor: Leaving his opponent to win by forfeit. > *a black robot is sitting in a cave meditating, when he hears the > beeping* > > Black: He's calling! *goes outside, jumps on a black motorcycle, and > leaves* T-Bone: (Black) Whoops. That was just my alarm clock going off. > > *a blue robot is in a motorcycle race with a gang* > > Blue: You'll never win! This Roborcycle were built by a very special > friend of mine, and can go way faster than some stupid junk! Tails: So that makes his Roborcycle "average-I.Q." junk? > *hears beeping* Huh? Darn, and I had my eyes on that trophy... > gotta go! *he turns off track* > > *a green robot is building something* > Wildcat: Wonder if it's a comic book machine. > Green: Yes! This heat-sensor laser gun is perfect! *hears beeping* > Hey, there must be a tough battle going on! Razor: You're only half right. It's a battle, but... > Perfect for me to test this baby... *he jumps on a green mototrcycle > and leaves* > > *soon, all of the robots arive* T-Bone: And by this point, the fight was over. > > Ms. Game.com: The heck... > > NGPM: Well this was unexpected. Tails: (announcer) Keep in mind that the actors were left in the dark about this. We now return you to your scheduled program. > > Gamechamp: Roll call, everyone!!! > > Green: I am Green, the mechanic expert. And I do good with using the > weapons I make, too!!! > Wildcat: I am Wildcat, and I'm watching a cheesy movie. Others: Hi, Wildcat! > Yellow: I am Yellow! I like to use my fists to do the talking! > > Black: I am Black! I can sneak on anyone from the dark, and attack > with my double swords! > Razor: We're the Swat Kats. We'll see your double swords and raise you double Glovatrixes! > Blue: I am Blue! If you want me to operate a truck, tank, spaceship, > anything! I can garuntee that I'll use that and make use of the > firepower, as long as it has firepower! > Tails: I'm Miles Prower, and you can't hit what you can't catch. > Gamechamp: And I am Red the leader of the robot team! I have every > power in the universe! Just call me Gamechamp! > Wildcat: I think I'll call you "Machamp" instead. > All: And we are the robot team!!! > > Black: It's time to take these guys out! *takes out two swords* > Razor: (Black) Maybe I should've rustproofed them first. > Green: I haven't been in a good battle in a while... *takes out a > large amount of high-tech devices* > T-Bone: (Green) Hey, how'd that gumball machine get here? > Blue: I don't have something to say! *gets in a fighting Robot thing, > which is only about a head taller than everyone else* > Tails: Fanfic isn't complete without a mech. > Yellow: Me niether! *some strange elemental beam comes into him* > Wildcat: En Vague. > Gamechamp: Let's fight! > > NGPM: You call that a robot? > > Team Rivalry: DAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! > Razor: Yep. Just wide enough for them to cram their feet inside. > *CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!* > > Team Rivalry: *getting blown to the sky* Team Rivalry will be making > a comeback again! *ding* > All: (sing-song) Lo-sers! > *everyone except the robot team has their jaws dropped* > > Gamechamp: Pretty cool, right? > Razor: Champ, I've seen better battles than that. Wildcat: How would you know? You haven't even seen *this* one! Razor: Minor technicality. > *meanwhile, behind the scenes, Fred, Lupus, GL, and Napoleon mess > with the story's plot* > > DVGBA: What are you guys doing? > > Lupus: Dude, we're messing up the story. Tails: I think someone beat you to it. Wildcat: I'd been wondering how long that guy was going to sleep... > > GL: That's right. The plot stinks. It's so mundane and predictable. > > DVGBA: But you don't understand. The story has potental. > T-Bone: Three out of four ain't bad, anyway. > Napoleon: What potental? Nothing is happening. > > Fred: Enough talk. Destroy DVG! Razor: (Fred) Get rid of those batteries first, idiots! > > *Napoleon types up something into the computer* > > DVGBA: Ha! What can typing do to me? *suddenly gets mowed down by > twenty Mary Poppins clones in steamrollers in a cartoonish-style* > T-Bone: Anyone got anything to say? (Silence) T-Bone: Yeah, same here. > *everyone bursts into laughter, but dies down when DVGBA was > unaffected* > > DVGBA: You're forgetting that I am wearing Anti-plot Repellant. Wildcat: Based loosely on Dilbert's Anti-woe Cologne. > Also, all your pointless additions have been edited out, so > nothing you do will stop me. > > *back to the story* Tails: All of them...except for that one. > > Fred: Can I ruin the OG? Razor: (Fred) If they get to do it, I get to do it! > > Gamechamp: No. You ruined it too many times. Robot Team, attack! > > *seconds later, Fred immediately gets tied to a building* > > Fred: Hey! No fair. Wildcat: (Fred) Just hand me a half-dozen pennants and a rollercoaster so we can call it even, ok? > > Gamechamp: What did we learn today folks? > > Everyone else: Never mess with robots. > (Wildcat snickers for a few seconds) Tails: Unless your name's Sonic. > DVGBA: I guess with Fred out of the way, we can proceed to the next > town. > > Ed: Let me ask one of the townspeople. *spots an old lady nearby* > Excuse me miss, do you know if there are any nearby towns? > T-Bone: (old lady) You're standing in it. > Old lady: Oh... you must be the boys that came from the village. The > path from this city leads to the town of Cumolan (Pronounced > "Coo-moh-lahn"). Wildcat: No moh lahn-cuttin' fo' me. Dat coo? Razor: (annoyed) Would you mind...? Wildcat: Alright, alright. > I saw a wagon train going through here on the way. Folow the tracks > and you'll get there in no time. > > Gamechamp: I still think we should wait until Game Master logs back > in. Tails: Funny. How long did you know that without telling us? > > DVGBA: Don't worry. Fred here can give the message to him if he logs > on back here. Right Fred? > Razor: (Fred) Untie me, and I'll consider it. > Fred: Yeah, whatever... > > DVGBA: Good, we shall head onwards to Cumolan. T-Bone: (random person) Um...you're heading the wrong way again, sir. > > *and so our heroes herd towards Cumolan, not knowing what plot twist > will take place next; Razor: They'll be attacked by prune-eating chameleons in chain mail. > somewhere else, Lupus has been having so many dream sequences, he is > having a difficult time finding out the real plot to the OG* Tails: Check a few decks above us. You'll find it in the trash compactor. > > Lupus: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! > > Napoleon: You fool! You can't go crazy. > T-Bone: (Lupus) Wrong. My boss gave me insanity leave. > Lupus: I can't help it. Anyway, these useless heroes have managed to > figured out my plan. > > Napoleon: Of course, we still have GL to get rid of them. > Razor: Glue? > Lupus: He's logged out. > > Napoleon: Darn! What about the Code Pasta? > Wildcat: (Zorak) Oh, him? He got devoured. > Lupus: It appears that the tracking system is knocked offline. I'll > get it back online. Meanwhile, *pulls out a VR helmet* T-Bone: Switch it on for an endless supply of "Mr. Goodbar" candies. > distract yourself by trying the "OG Flooding Simulator." *tosses > the helmet towards Napoleon* > Razor: The Golden Helmet of Mambrino? > Napoleon: *catching it* No wonder we've been having these strange > dreams. > Wildcat: (Napoleon) Dreamed last night that I was trapped at a 15-story mansion with a prankster Bomberman and a horde of Officer Jennies. > Lupus: Well, it's better than the real thing because it's programmed > to prevent DVGBA from fixing the OG. > > Napoleon: Cunning idea! *puts the helmet on* T-Bone: You have to switch the thing on first. > > Lupus: Meanwhile, I'll send a hoard of Pierce Brosnan clones to block > the back to Cumolan. > Tails and Wildcat: Who? Razor: Just watch. > *back with our heroes as they have been on the trail for quite a > while* > > Gamechamp: This has been a long trip so far. I'm hungry. T-Bone: Reality has nothing on these guys. > > DVGBA: I wish we could stop and eat, but I don't have any food. > Wildcat: There are times when no joke seems appropiate. > Ed: It just wasn't a good idea to take that "shortcut" that crazy > farmer told us to go. > > DVGBA: Well, it's a good thing we're almost at Cumolan. Razor: Cue foreshadowing. > > *all is well... until a group of Pierce Brosnan clones led by > Lemonjello appear* > Wildcat: Hmm...pardon me a second. (bolts out of the theater) Tails: (shakes his head) He's at it again. > Lemonjello: There he is! > > Gamechamp: The heck? > Tails: No, it's Lemonjello. > Ed: Looks like another one of those guys that are making useless > attempts to ruin the OG. > > DVGBA: That's the 5th person!!! How many more have to ruin the plot? T-Bone: (Lemonjello) Plot, plot...oh, *that* plot! Right. Almost forgot. > > Lemonjello: Oh, you mentioned a plot. It's nothing more than a bunch > of losers running around for no reason. > Razor: Imagine that. > Gamechamp: We're not just running around for no reason. Our motive is > to get rid of a virus called Code Pasta! > T-Bone: Cook it and make it stick to the wall. > Lemonjello: You've got to be kidding. That weakling of a virus, he > couldn't even go near an ant. Tails: (Lemonjello) He does...he just doesn't choose to. > > DVGBA: You lie! You're just saying this so that you can quikly end > the OG. > > THE END Razor: Should've said "to be continued". T-Bone: Nah, that only makes it worse. > > Ed: Hey! No fair. > > Lemonjello: Oh, it is fair alright. The story ends here. > > ???: It's NOT over! > (Wildcat bolts back into the theater and sits down) Wildcat: Jello's in the fridge. Should be ready in a while. Tails: (sighs) I knew it. > *everyone looks to the direction of the voice, none other than...* > > Lemonjello: Game Master! You fool! > Razor: (Game Master) Two words: pot...kettle. > Game Master: Lemon, you have been a menace at least to this part of > the OG. > > Lemonjello: ENOUGH! PIERCE BROSNAN CLONES! ATTACK! T-Bone: It's either that, or keep rambling. Either way wastes time. > > Brosnan clone 1: At your service boss. > > *the Pierce Brosnan clones charge towards our heroes* (Tails deliberately hums the "Charge!" song off-key) > > Ed: Quick Gamechamp. Do SOMETHING! > Razor: (Gamechamp) Engaging Filibuster Mode...now! > *before Gamechamp makes a decision, we cut away back to Lupus and > Napoleon* > > Lupus: Now I know that I need an "OG Flooding Simulator." T-Bone: (Lupus) I've been looking for something else to waste my money on for years! > *puts on the helmet and joins Napoleon in the madness* I can't > believe Lemonjello is missing all the fun. > Wildcat: (singing) Comma comma dumb dooby doo dumb dumb... > *back with our heroes* > > Blue: Hey, boss, why don't we just go to town on our Roborcycles? We > can get the Robot Mobile tied to them and drag these two! Razor: (Gamechamp) We can't. Someone rigged it to explode if it goes above 15 MPH. > > Gamechamp: Hey, I never thought of that! Everyone, get over here! I > have a way that we can get to town faster! DVGBA and Game Master, get > in this... T-Bone: It's a giant paper airplane! > *opens that part of his arm again and presses a series of buttons; a > strange beam comes out of his hand, Tails: ...causing a huge explosion. Wildcat: (Gamechamp) Whoops! Sorry about that. > and forms into a car with 5 different seats which each have a > different color of the robot team, the front being Blue* That's the > Robot Mobile, my team's old way of transportation on ground. Razor: "Old" meaning that someone jacked the tires. > We can pull it with some ropes in the back with the Roborcycles, > the motorcycles my team came in. T-Bone: What say *you* pull them instead? > *he does the same thing as before, and the beam becomes a red > motorcycle* > > DVGBA: Hey, how do you do that? > Tails: (Gamechamp) I don't know. Maybe I should look into that. > Gamechamp: When I agreed to test this game, they decided, because I'm > a robot, to give me a curtain password. Wildcat: J. > Because of being a robot, I can use myself to hack into the game's > programming, and with the password, T-Bone: (Gamechamp) That instantly means I have access to every cheat. Beat that, gelatin! > that gets me far enough into the programming which is enough info so > that I can create objects that I have in my memory here in the game. Razor: He's rabbaling. Wildcat: Rabbaling? Razor: Rambling and babbling. Wildcat: Nice. > > Lemonjello: Come on, no fair! > > Green: Hey, we WERE supposed to meet later in the story. Tails: (Green) ...but noooo, you wanted to get an early role in this production. > > Lemonjello: Oh... right... > > *later, after getting ready* > Razor: They found out that they had no place to go. > GC: Is everyone ready? > > Blue: *interrupting* Yes, they are! Now let's go already! I love the > thrill of going faster than a cheeta! > Wildcat: "Cheetas" never prosper, especially if Chester's around. T-Bone: Speaking of going faster than one, let's scram. (Everyone gets up and leaves the theater) > *they take off towards town* > > -------- [Transmission interrupted. Commercial loaded] "Just another day of insulting Gourry, taking part in feeding frenzies, and Dragon Slaving those who annoy me," Lina Inverse said to herself. The sorceress sat alone on a small hill not far from Seyruun, musing about life in general. "A typical day: crusading against those who pose a threat, putting up with Amelia, Martina, and the like...." Lina placed a hand against her forehead, suddenly not feeling so good. "Then why is it that just talking about all of this is giving me a headache?" An announcer walks on-screen and joins Lina. "Studies show that thinking too much about annoyances may be one of the symptoms of Ragnablakitus. Other symptoms may include overeating and over-indulging in treasure hunts. May lead to dizziness, fatique, and/or the urge to vaporize somebody. Please see a pharmacist or doctor if you have any questions." Lina gets up and starts walking downhill. After a few seconds, she turns and shoots a fireball in the announcer's direction. The attack scares him off, blasting a crater in the ground where he was standing. For a few seconds, the teenage sorceress just stood there, blinking. "Did I do that?" Finally, though, she just continues walking. "Must've been my imagination." [Commercial ended. Resume broadcast] -------- (Enter the bridge. Razor is holding a sheet of paper in front of him. Clawshu is sitting opposite him at the console, doing something with a piece of string; oddly enough to us, she seems slightly transparent) Razor: All right, here are some of the rules I neglected to mention. #1: Don't irritate Fatso down on Mobius, or he'll demand an explanation from us. Clawshu: Right..... Razor: #2: Don't watch any of the films with us, or he'll wonder what's going on there, too. Clawshu: (fidgeting with the string) Gotcha. Razor: #3: Keep your life at a PG rating or better; do nothing that would tick off Wildcat. For some odd reason, he's kinda touchy about that. Clawshu: Uh-huh.... Razor: #4: Don't do any major rewiring on the Satellite without my prior consent. Finally, Rule #5: don't tease the cat. Wildcat's voice: You shall insult me none with your lips, Kung Fu Yarn Wannabe! Come forth before I clobber thee with my claws! (Clawshu stares down at the string, which extends from her finger all the way towards the Hexagon Door. Wildcat is sitting on all four paws, growling, glaring at the string and waiting for it to make the first move) Clawshu: (smiles) There's a kitten waiting in all of us to come out, Razor. He saw the yarn and just went wild. Razor: (laughs) Well, what if I told you that he's partially human? Clawshu: (startled) Wha....? A mutant....here...? And a human, no less? (Clawshu pauses, her smile slowly degenerating into a frown. The string attached to her finger stops moving.....and a snarling Wildcat pulls on the string, yanking the feline scientist to the floor with a startled yelp) Wildcat: (snarling) Ha! The Moving String Technique is no match for the mighty Furry Fury Style! I have bested you again, Musashi! Hi-yah! (attacks the string again) Razor: (trying not to laugh) Where'd all that come from? Some badly-dubbed movie? Clawshu: (pulls herself up, watching Wildcat) A little bit too wild, isn't he? (detaches the string from her finger) Maybe talking cats shouldn't play with yarn. Razor: What bothers me even more is that I think he's forgotten about the----- (The red sirens wail, throwing the scene on the bridge into panic.) Razor: Movie Sign! (Clawshu dashes off towards the hangar bay, while Razor rushes towards the theater. Wildcat hesitates for a moment, then stuffs the string into a pocket and follows after him. T-Bone and Tails follow them in seconds later. Their voices echo back to the bridge before we hit the door sequence) Wildcat: We shall resume our duel later, Musashi, when the sky turns pink with the color of the twilight----- Razor, T-Bone, and Tails: Quit it, already! Wildcat: (annoyed) Okay, okay! I'll stop! (mutters) You guys have no sense of humor... ------------ (1...2...3...4...5...6) ------------ (Everyone enters the theater and sits down) Razor: Got that out of your system? Wildcat: Yeah. Thanks for asking. > > Narrator: Last time, our heroes managed to squeak by Lemonjello and > his Pierce Brosnas clones. What adventure will they run into next? > T-Bone: Choose your own. > Lemonjello: Blast! They've gotten away this time, but they won't be > so lucky. > > Pierce Brosnan clone 4: My name is Bond, James Bond. > > Lemonjello: Don't you ever shut up?! > Wildcat: (as PB clone) Mind if I sing?... T-Bone: (same) Well, you didn't expect me to talk... > *soon our heroes arrive at Cumolan* > > Gamechamp: Hmm... interesting place. Tails: A little paint and some curtains, and it'll look just perfect. > > *they got of their motorcycles as they turn back to robots* > > Blue: So, what are we supposed to do here? Razor: (Blue) Thought I told you not to take my copy of the script. > > *Blue seemingly answered his own question when a bunch of crooks goes > out of a wagon with a girl that looks like a princess* > > DVGBA: My time to shine. > T-Bone: What with the sunlight bouncing off your screen and all... > ------------------------------------------------- > > SMBHQ Ongoing Story Board Presents Wildcat: What is "something that Alfred Hitchcock would not want to be associated with?" > > ,crack//DEFLECTION Chapter 3 > > Starring: > > DVGBA Razor: A real letterhead. > > Game Master T-Bone: He never said which game...probably "tic-tac-toe". > > Gamechamp > > Also Appearing: Wildcat: Jerry Stackhouse and Dudley Do-Right. > > Lupus > > Napoleon Tails: What he was doing out here, we can only guess. > > Fred > > Ed (Wildcat neighs) Razor: Sounds weird coming from you. Wildcat: (shrugs) Hey, I tried. > > Greatluigi > > GTX > > Robot Team (Black, Blue, Yellow, Green) T-Bone: (sarcastic) Great. Now all they need are Pink and Tie-Dye, and they're set for life. > > Princess Terry > > Dark Magus Razor: Where there's darkness, there's light. Tails: Don't you think there's enough people in this thing? > > and more > > Special Thanks to: > > Game Master Wildcat: (announcer) Because if it weren't for him, our hero would be waiting outside the game like everyone else. > > Gamechamp > > Ed Tails: For fighting each other for no good reason. > > No Thanks to: T-Bone: Everyone listed. > > Lupus and Napoleon (stop posting pictures, please) > > Fred (stick with the plot) Razor: (singing) I'm a rambler...yeah, I'm a rambler...I ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble... > > GTX (Illuminati is going down soon!!!) > > Greatluigi > Wildcat: For thinking that DVGBA is evil. > Dark Magus > > ------------------------------------------------- > > *DVGBA dashes off to rescue what looks like the princess, but gets > held back by Game Master* T-Bone: (Game Master) It's a phony. > > Game Master: Don't you have anything else better to do? > Wildcat: If he did, he wouldn't be here. > DVGBA: No, considering that I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years. > > *the group then bursts into laughter* (Razor laughs for a bit, then slows down) Razor: (Game Master) Come on. Laugh with me! (Everyone starts laughing) > > Ed: I suggest we rest in a hotel. I'm tired as heck! > > *our heroes go to a hotel; meanwhile, the crooks who have the > "princess" are none other than...* > (Everyone stops laughing) > GTX: The Illuminati! > Wildcat: (eerily) Xanatos. > *the Illuminati group enters the Cumolan Tavern, the princess with > them* > > GTX: OK now! Someone clear a table for our boys! Razor: Click the paint bucket icon, then click on the table. > > *immediately, GTX "clears" a table by grabbing some commoners from > there and tossing them trough a window* > > GTX: Take a seat princess. > T-Bone: Sell it to a school. > *GTX's cronies force the princess to sit down* > > Princess: You know, this is no way to treat a girl. Tails: (GTX) A girl? I thought you were a princess! > > *with this, GTX bursts into laughter* > > GTX: Oh really. I don't recall the Illuminati ever treating anyone > nicely. > Razor: (GTX; hesitantly) Except for that happy little man with his finger hovering over the Backspace key... > Princess: Oh, once my dad hears of this, he'll stop at nothing to > bring me back home. > > GTX: The king is just a big loser who likes to eat butter. Who needs > him anyway? > Wildcat: (bristles) Hey, I resent that! > *the princess appears to be very angry* > > GTX: Anyways, I didn't catch your name. > All: Bad hands, oil. > Princess: I am Princess Terry! > > GTX: That's not a very feminine name there, you know... Razor: The imagination faucet ran dry. > Unless it's short for Theresa or somethin' like that... No matter. > Point is that we're holding you hostage for a sizable portion of... > *DUN DUN DUN* ... Doritos. All: (incredulous) Doritos?! Tails, Razor, T-Bone: That's dumb! Wildcat: ...I want some. > The king will have no choice but to surrender your kingdom's supply > of cheesy snack foods of Mexican origin. We've already left a message > on the royal answering machine that he has 24 hours to comply, Razor: (GTX) Or else life as we know it will spiral into another dimension. > or else we'll be dunking you into a vat of chocolate syrup. > > Princess Terry: That's it? Tails: Careful, lady. That chocolate syrup's more dangerous than it looks. Wildcat: (ear twitches) Yeah, right. > > GTX: Repeatedly. > > Princess: Still, that's it? > > GTX: And after that I feed you to Elite Commander Tub-o-Troopa. > T-Bone: (GTX) You can't beat 'em; he gets knocked down, but he gets up again. > Princess Terry: Illuminati swine! > > GTX: I try to be. > Razor: (GTX) Bring me my trough. I'm hungry! > Infantry #582: Kidnapping a princess? This plan is one big drawn-out > clich‚. How unbelievably trite and- > > Infantry #1205: Shut the *e#! up. > T-Bone: (startled) What----oh. Right; forgot about that chip Razor installed to screen out the language. Wildcat: (nods) Right. > *our heroes have checked in to the hotel across the street from the > Cumolan Tavern* > > Game Master: Well, I guess we should get our rest. Wildcat: Don't resist it. > > Gamechamp: I'm surprised that all of us can fit in the hotel room. Tails: (Gamechamp) Especially the hero; he's too wide. > > BLACK: Maybe we should be a bit concerned about that princess in > danger. > > DVGBA: You're exactly right! Razor: $1000. You can buy a vowel anytime. > > *DVG is looking through a telescope that he stole from Ed right after > they checked in* > > Ed: I still think it wasn't a good idea to swipe the object from my > bag. T-Bone: (DVGBA) Just lightening the load. You don't have to complain about it! > > DVGBA: Too bad. Anyway... let me see what's going on. > > *what DVG sees from the telescope is GTX and Princess Terry at a > table* Wildcat: Presently engaged in a Chinese football match. > > DVGBA: While it doesn't look like a problem just yet, *starts to > leave* I feel that I should do something about this. > > Game Master: I should come with you. It is not safe alone. Tails: Does it become a locker when in a group? > > DVGBA: And what makes you think I can't do this alone? > > Game Master: Have I not told you about the Illuminati? Razor: (DVGBA) Must've missed that somewhere in the translation. > > DVGBA: Of course, the most nortorious group I've ever faced. > > Game Master: So I guess you're not the only one... I'm still coming > with you though. I've also got business there. T-Bone: Closed on weekends while he fights bad guys. > > DVGBA: What do you have in mind? > > Game Master: *grins* We'll discuss it on the way... Tails: If it involves that quick ending Lemonjello mentioned, I'll take it. > > *back with GTX and Princess Terry* > > GL: *puts down microphone and sits next to GTX* When is the king > gonna cough up them Doritos? I really want the cheesy nacho kinds. > Wildcat: I prefer the "Cooler Ranch" kind, myself. > GTX: Whenever. > > GL: We have idiots prowling the premisis. I'll go take the leader + > 1st mate. *exits through the door* You there! T-Bone: (GL) Put down your weapons, come quietly, and stop giving me that angry look! > > Game Master: What the? > > DVGBA: Don't tell me you're allying with GTX! > > GL: That's right. You'll never be able to save the Princess. All: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Razor: That infantryman from earlier has a good point, bud. > > Game Master: Don't you know that you are outnumbered? > > DVGBA: And that you're outaged as well? > > GL: Fools! You dare underestimate me? Wildcat: Take a wild guess! Tails: Heh. > > DVGBA: *to GM* He's not buying it. Try to distract him. > > Game Master: *to DVG* Don't worry. I know exactly what to do in this > situation. T-Bone: (Game Master) I'm gonna buy a new computer! Excuse me while I log out. > > GL: Are you guys ready to face my wrath? > > Game Master: Of course, but first we're going to have a staring > contest! Razor: Why? > > GL: You're on! > Wildcat: This must be what the writers of DBZ had in mind when they wanted to fill some time. > *and so GL and GM get involved in a staring contest, giving DVG time > to sneak to the back, but little did he know, he was being followed > by Black* Tails: He didn't want to watch the staring contest, either. > > Black: *to himself* He'll probably need assistance just in case. > > *taking advantage of the dark, Black sneaks past DVG without beaing > noticed; Black then enters the Cumolan Tavern through the back door* T-Bone: (Black) "Employees Only"? Then consider myself hired. > > Black: *to himself* That was easy enough, now I have to get past the > numberous guards patroling this place. > Wildcat: (Pink Floyd) I have become comfortably numb... Tails: Which is one way of putting it, right? > *back with GTX and Princess Terry* > > GTX: I assure you that these wanna-be heroes will be destroyed in no > time at all. > Razor: (Terry) Right, like that's supposed to comfort me? > Princess Terry: You're a madman! I know for sure that a brave knight > will come and rescue me sooner than you think. > Wildcat: Better not be Prince Phil. > GTX: Sure GL may be young, but don't underestimate him. You'll know > what I mean by that. > > Princess Terry: You'll regret being evil! Razor: (Terry) As soon as you run out of gas! > > GTX: But that's exactly what the Illuminati is all about! > > Infantry #284: He's right you know. > T-Bone: (#284) ---just not about that. > *back outside* > > GL: Wait, this is retarded. > (Wildcat hastily shields Tails' eyes) > *GL proceeds to charge at GM and stab him with a sword. GM spat blood > on the ground. > Wildcat: (sickened) You're right. It *is* retarded. Razor: Which is something we've known all along, obviously. > GM: All this....just to die at the hands of Illuminati!? > ...Heh...DVG.....I hope....you...sur...vive......ugh *crashes to the > ground with blood still leaking out of his mouth* Razor: (glances at Wildcat) All of it fake, hopefully. > > GL: It's going to take a while to the stain of that pathetic cretin's > blood off my sword and clothes. I shouldn't have wasted my time. T-Bone: Signing up? > > Ed: NOOOO!!! *charges out of the bushes and tackles GL to the ground* > > *the sword flies away from their clearing* > Wildcat: (as sword) Freedom! Yee-ha! > GL: *gets to his feet and blocks Ed's attacks; thinking* Just a > minute and I'll have his attack process... > Razor: (GL) All attack and no defense...this'll be a cinch. > *as planned, Ed punched to the left and GL shifted to the right; he > knees Ed in the stomach and throws him over his backside, knocking > him out* (T-Bone imitates a bell) > > GL: One incompassitated fighter and the other dead... Life is good. > Wildcat: Pfeh. Talk about irony. (unshields Tails' eyes) > *back inside* > > GTX: A couple of you guys better be around to inflict some extra pain > on DVG and his buddies before GL gets to 'em all. Razor: I love it when best-laid plans are labeled "doomed" before they get past the drawing board. > > Infantry #48: Yessir. > > GTX: In the meantime, drink up, Princess. %#@l, it's only probably > the last day of your life. No need to sulk around, eh? Tails: (Terry) It's my life. I'll sulk if I wanna. > > Princess Terry: ... I hate you. > > GTX: Don't hate me because of my inexplicable c0ckiness. Hate me > because I'm evil. Wildcat: Can we hate you because you're an arrogant schmuck? > > Infantry #2017: Or Canadian. > > GTX: That'll be enough of your input. Razor: (GTX) I think my computer's trying to freeze... > > *considering that Game Master got killed and this OG taking place in > a MMORPG, he was later revived and has reappeared at the hotel* T-Bone: It would make more sense if we knew what all those letters meant. Razor: It was meant to be confusing, T-Bone. T-Bone: And you're telling me this *now?* > > Game Master: Ugh... man that hurt. > > Gamechamp: Wow... I can't believe you died that quickly. > Tails: (Gamechamp) What with you being the "Game Master" and all. > Game Master: I guess he saw through my plan and decided to make a > quick kill. > Wildcat: We *all* saw through your plan. Any other mundane remarks? > Green: Good thing we're only in a game and characters get revived at > the cost of experience points and some stat points. > > Game Master: Of course, I shouldn't have try that stupid trick. It's > my fault that DVG will eventually be killed. T-Bone: The moral of the story: staring contests are cheap. Razor: Well, it's not like it matters all that much. > > Green: Don't say that! We still have a chance. Black is infilterating > the tavern to rescue the Princess. > > Yellow: It's not over for us, right? Wildcat: Depends on your point of view. (chuckles) > > Gamechamp: You got it. I hope Black makes it out alright... > > *back with GTX and Princess Terry* Razor: (GTX) I think, therefore I'm evil. > > Infantry #831: Sir. Some guards have been unexpectively knocked out. > > GTX: WHAT?! Send reinforcements! T-Bone: (GTX) Wait, not the living remote controls! Send those back, now! > > *Black has been giving some of the guards some blunt strikes as he > hears an alarm* > > Black: Darn! I've been caught. Tails: I think his mouth's thinking ahead of his brain. > > ???: I'll help you. > > Black: DVGBA? > Wildcat: (DVGBA) No, it's the local hot dog vendor. Of *course* it's DVGBA! > DVGBA: Yep, I figured that you'd be here. > > Black: Well, it's my job to sneak inside and stuff like that. Razor: And we aren't enjoying it. > > DVGBA: Cool. Now let's rescue the Princess. > T-Bone: Wrong castle, pal. > *DVG and Black continue to knock down guards as they get closer to > GTX; suddenly, in front of them, a huge Vortex appears, Tails: ...says "What am I doing here?", then disappears again. > sucking up all the guards into nothingness; Dark Magus appears in > the center of the vortex, and ceases it once the guards are sucked > up* > Razor: (Dark Magus) Who da man?! Me da man! > Dark Magus *lands on the ground next to DVG and Black* Anything else > I can do to help? > > *Black and DVG have their "jaws" dropped* > Tails: Sharks *are* pretty heavy. > Dark Magus: I guess I came a little late. > > Black: Hold on, I think I heard something. Razor: Yeah, your footsteps. > > DVGBA: I hear it too. Ed got captured. But how?! > > *that's right, Ed got captured after being knocked out by GL a while > back; Black, DVG, and DM head to the jail cell* T-Bone: Just visiting. > > Ed: *waking up* How'd I get there? > > DVGBA: What happened to Game Master? Wildcat: (Ed) I think he went off to fight Mother Brain or something. > > Ed: He got killed... at the hands of a youngster... > > Black: You've gotta be kidding! > > Ed: I'm serious! I couldn't stand the suffering that Game Master had > to face. I had to teach GL a lesson, with no success. Tails: (Ed) He kept throwing paper airplanes at me! > > Dark Magus: Game Master? > > DVGBA: We'll explain later. Right now, Black and I have to finish the > job. Razor: You're needed on Aisle Six. Both of you. > You and Ed should get back to the hotel across from here. Take the > back door and watch out for any stray guards. Once you get there, > some of our friends will explain everything. Wildcat: Except for how much wood a woodchuck would chuck; that question still stumps them. > > Dark Magus: You got it. > > *so DM and Ed leave the Cumolan Tavern via back door and head for the > hotel* T-Bone: Short, but not sweet. > > Black: Now we're ready to rescue the Princess and defeat that GTX > character. Tails: (Black) ...because I said so. > > *DVG and Black get to the main lobby of the tavern* > > GTX: So, you've finally made it DVG. And who is that weird robot next > to you? T-Bone: Guess. > > Black: I am Black! I can sneak on anyone from the dark, and attack > with my double swords! > T-Bone: Watch me not be impressed. Razor: Probably saved it as a WAV file or something. > GTX: Ooh... impressive for others, but not to me. GL! > > *GL enters the tavern* > > GTX: We've got company! Wildcat: (GL) How nice! How big should I make the cake? > > *while GTX was talking, he tied up Princess Terry to the chair to > prevent her from escaping behind his back* > > DVGBA: You'll regret your evil deeds. > Razor: A textbook case of superheroism. > Black: Release the Princess and we won't hurt you. > > GL: Don't you understand? GTX just tied up the Princess. Tails: Wildcat, how do you cope with moments of idiocy? Wildcat: Like this. (smacks his forehead) D'oh! Tails: Mind if I try that later? Wildcat: By all means. We'll need it. > > Black: Oh... right... > > GTX: I guess this robot is going to need a RAM upgrade. Now! Prepare > yourselves for your greatest challenge yet. > T-Bone: Evil electricians who throw boomerangs. > *GTX and GL start to fight against DVG and Black* > > [Commence "Hacked by Illuminati" RPG battle!] > > [DVG and BLACK want to fight] > Tails: No one else wants to. > [DVG uses SPIT OF DISRESPECT!] > Wildcat: (deadpan) WILDCAT uses QUAD-STRIKE. THEATER SCREEN uses ENERGY SHIELD DEFENSE. > [GTX attacked by DVG for 0 points of damage!] > > GTX: What. The @e!%. > Razor: Instant system crash. > GL: Your guess is as good as mine. No matter. Tails: (GL) I'm evil, and you're not. > > [GREATLUIGI uses SWORD SLASH!] > > [BLACK attacked by GREATLUIGI for 25 points of damage!] > Wildcat: (deadpan) THEATER SCREEN attacked by WILDCAT for 0 points of damage. WILDCAT hit by own attack for 60 points of damage. (coughs, then falls out of his chair) > BLACK: It's because I'm Black, isn't it?] > > DVG: Do something, you @!73 robot-Argh! Now you missed your turn! > T-Bone: (looks at Wildcat) Now *that* was strange. > [DVG uses CASTROL GTX MOTOR OIL INSULT!] > > [GTX attacked by DVG for 1 point of damage and 30 points of > unspeakable rage!] Tails: Because you shouldn't talk about it. > > GTX: That does it. I've had enough of this 2r^& from you! > > [GTX uses GOLDEN UZI!] > > [Critical hit!] > T-Bone and Razor: "Golden Uzi"? Razor: I was expecting a giant tire. (Still off-screen, Wildcat curls into a ball) > [DVG has been knocked out!] > > [GREATLUIGI uses PUT OPPONENT INTO H@M!S%#U!( SCENARIO!] > > [GL's attack missed!] > Wildcat: GreatLuigi...not so great. The only description he needs, really. > BLACK: Ha! > > [INFANTRY #327 has entered the battle!] > (Everyone starts yelling various complaints) > [INFANTRY #327 uses CHEAP MACHINE GUN SHOT FROM BEHIND!] > > [Critical hit!] (Everyone stops complaining) T-Bone: (mutters) Talk about overuse of cheat codes. > > [BLACK has been knocked out!] > > [GTX's experience increases by 7!] > Razor: GTX's ego increases by 4! > [GREATLUIGI's experience increases by 3!] > > [GREATLUIGI has gained a level!] > Tails: Access to World Nine of Eight has been granted. Collect as many coins as you can. > [GAME OVER] > > GL: Hooray! > > GTX: Nice work on that cheap shot, soldier. Put yourself in for a > promotion. > (Wildcat pulls himself up and sits down) T-Bone: Prepare to be rejected. > Infantry #327: Thank you, sir! > > *nearby* > Razor: Laurel and Hardy were trying to deliver a piano to someone's house. > DM: My death senses are tingling! To the battle! *DM arrives at the > battle to see DVG on the floor, Black malfunctioning, and GL & GTX > doing an RPG-Style victory dance* > (Wildcat starts singing Genesis' "I Can't Dance") > DM: What the Glock is going on in here? > > GTX: See for yourself. > > *DM looks at DVG on the floor* T-Bone: (DM) Okay, I'm looking. Now what? > > GTX: By the looks of it, he wet his pants from your earlier entrance. > > DM: He shouldn't have. I mean, you know what they say. Don't fear the > Reaper. Razor: Who says that? (Wildcat stops singing) > > GTX: Har-har. Hey, watch this. Hey Black, who is the master of you > and all the other pathetic little citizens of this kingdom? Tails: (GTX) If you say "Sindbad the sailor", you and I will have to fight again just for the sake of it. > *moves Black's jaw and makes it look like he's talking.* "That's > easy, Supreme Commander! YOU are!" Ha, ha. Right you are, BLACK. T-Bone: (GTX) I'm talking to YOU! Hey, I'm talking to YOU! > Right you are. C'mon boys, grab the Princess and let's go get our > Doritos... > Wildcat: Give some to me if you find any. > DM: Haha. *lifts the princess metally and floats her behind him* > > GTX: How'd ya do that? > > *DM shows him a book labeled "Telekenesis for Dummies v2.0"; T-Bone: Why do you insult yourself like that? > Gamechamp and the rest of the robot team enter the tavern and notice > a terrible sight* > > Gamechamp: Oh no! DVGBA! BLACK! > > Green: I can't believe it! Those fools must pay! Wildcat: Cash, credit, or money order. Sorry, no CODs. > > Yellow: I'll get to this. *he charges towards GTX and GL* > > GTX: This is going to be ea... > Tails: Sports? > *before GTX could finished, he get brutally beaten by Yellow* > > Yellow: TAKE THIS! *boom* AND THIS! *pow* AND THIS!!! *PONG* > Razor: (announcer) Super Yellow Combo! > GL: I'm outta here. > > *before GL could run, Yellow grabs him and throws him through a > table* > > *TOGGG* Tails and Wildcat: (confused) Toggg? T-Bone: Something must be off with the Sound FX generator. > > Gamechamp: Are you done now? > > Yellow: Yes. > Razor: Needed that out of his system. > Dark Magus: Let's get back to the hotel. > > *out heroes as well as the recently rescued Princess Terry return to > the hotel, T-Bone: But they had to go back when they found out that they left the keys behind. > where DVGBA and Black return from their knocked out state* > > DVGBA: That was weird, I felt like I was controlled by a weird force. > Tails: (DVGBA) It's about five feet tall and obsessed with video games. > Black: I was feeling the same thing. > > Dark Magus: I seem to know what you mean by this. I hear GTX has a > mysterious power that can control anyone. Wildcat: Paychecks? > This is caused by the Code Pasta. > > Princess Terry: Please explain more. Razor: (Terry) And this time, skip the technological jargon. > > Dark Magus: It's not pretty, but I'll try to explain what I can > remember... > > *GTX's hand busts through the door.* > T-Bone: (Dark Magus) And that's pretty much all I can remember. > Everyone else: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! > > GTX: Hahaha! And as for you, goodbye. *picks up Yellow by the neck > and tosses him out the window* Dumb bots never have any common sense. Wildcat: I wondered why there were so many mailing lists on "Battle.Net". > > DVG: How- > > GTX: Hacked the server. Well, rather my Intelligence department did. Tails: You're saying you're not smart---or stupid---enough to do it yourself? > Now, I shall take back the Princess and escape through a wall using > this no clipping cheat. Oh yeah, and this. *shoots DVG between the > eyes* T-Bone: Does he even have any? > > DVG: OM!G AIMBOT!!!11 *dies* > All: (puzzled) What? > GTX: Take 'er away, boys. > > Infantry #6201: Right away, sir. > > *GTX and his troops pile into an APC with Princess Terry; Wildcat: There's always at least one of them. Tails: What, an APC? Wildcat: Clowns. > after backing into the wall of the hotel and creating a large hole, > it takes off down the road en route to the castle* > > Gamechamp: That's impossible! How can GTX and GL survive a beating by > YELLOW? T-Bone: Invincibility cheat. > > Yellow: *weakly* ugh... that guy is powerful... > > Dark Magus: I knew it would be the Code Pasta that is giving him > those crazy powers. > Razor: Being endowed with super powers is all well and good, but it won't save you any money on car insurance. (chuckles) > Game Master: What are we going to do with DVGBA? > > Ed: Well... since you were revived after your death, I would assume > that DVGBA is going to be back alive *checking watch* right about... Tails: (Ed) About another hour, give or take. > > DVGBA: Hey everyone! How come there is someone on the floor that > looks like me? > > Black: Uhh... that's actually you. Wildcat: Whoops. > > DVGBA: I knew that. Anyway, getting shot is an unusual way to die in > this game... > Razor: Medieval: not good enough for high-eval, too good for low-eval. > Game Master: Well, it's a good thing you're still around. > > Dark Magus: We should follow that APC if we have a chance of saving > the Princess. T-Bone: Yeah. Thanks for reminding us. > > DVGBA: I though I was going to get the girl. > Wildcat: Can't have everything you want in life. Us sitting here proves it. > Dark Magus: Uhh... I did the rescuing part. > > DVGBA: Sorry, I was knocked out while you did that. > > Ed: You know, this plot is getting stranger by the minute. Anyone > care to explain? > Razor: Chaos factor kicked in. > ???: I'm just the right person to say it all! > > *everyone looks at the being who just enter the hotel, or what > remains of it, and it turns out to be...* > > DVGBA: Yami Yoshi? What are you doing here? > Wildcat: (startled) Aaah! It's a hungry dinosaur! Razor: (annoyed) Wildcat, we've already been over this... > Yami Yoshi: I suppose that I'm late, but I managed to check the > message board. > > Green: If you think you know everything that had happened in this OG, > prove it! Tails: I've been wondering: what's an OG? T-Bone: "GO" spelled backwards. Tails: (mutters) Can't argue with that. > > Yami Yoshi: OK then. *he then goes on for a while describing every > event in detail, including the attmepts by several spammers to ruin > the plot* > Razor: Load "Yada.wav". Press Repeat. Press Play. Leave. > *later* > > Yami Yoshi: And then I got here. *he realizes that everyone has > fallen asleep* AHEM! Wildcat: Sew it up yourself. > > *everyone wakes up* > > Yami Yoshi: OK, let's see who's here. DVGBA's supposively the hero. Razor: (Yami Yoshi) Haven't seen him do much of value, but I'm giving him the benefit of a doubt. > Game Master is the second of the heroes. Gamechamp has his robot team > thingie. Ed is simply here for some reason. Hopefully, he shouldn't > be making arguments with others. Tails: Nah, they'll come ready made. > And then Dark Magus is around hoping to help us. And finally, we have > me. T-Bone: That's real nice and all, but are you done yet? > > DVGBA: That's cool. It's quite a large group of heroes. > > Game Master: I'm sure we'll get through even the impossible. > Tails: (Game Master) ...and eliminate them, thus leaving only the truth. > Ed: So, where do you guys think those Illuminati guys are going to? > > Gamechamp: It would have to be the castle. But there is no castle in > this town. Wildcat: Amidst the wreckage was a sign that read: "Mario was here." > > Yami Yoshi: You're right. There is a castle in Mortalia, the largest > city in this game world. > > Dark Magus: That would have to be where the king lives. Razor: (Dark Magus) I heard he saved the world just by dancing. > > DVGBA: So that means the Illuminati are planning to invade the > castle. We MUST do something about this! > Tails: *You've* got to do something about this. Prepare the "Dr. Mario" cartridge! > Gamechamp: DVG is right. C'mon robot team! Prepare the > transportation, we're going to Mortalia! > > *so our heroes get out of the hotel when suddenly...* T-Bone: (Ed) Forgot my insurance. > > ???: We're not finished yet! > > Yami Yoshi: I've had enough with these "???" characters! > (Razor taps the wall a few times. The characters :_ appear briefly on the screen) Razor: Try those instead. > ???: Too bad. Get used to it. > > DVGBA: I know that voice... it's... > > Lemonjello: That's correct! This time, our Pierce Brosnan clones are > going to be driving BMWs! > Wildcat: How about "A&Ws?" Tails: And are those anything like the Tyrannosaurs in F-14s that Calvin liked so much? > Blue: You're still going to be outrunned! > > Lemonjello: But I haven't gotten to the best part. T-Bone: If they don't get 70 miles to the gallon, we don't want to hear it. > They're not ordinary BMWs. They're really BMW-powered Formula 1 > cars we stole from the Williams team. > > DVGBA: YOU MONSTER! How could you get your hands on them? Razor: Yeah, he would've at least left fingerprints. > > Lemonjello: GTX is not the only hacker around these parts. I am one > as well. Now you'll never escape. Not only that, but I've sabotaged > the motorcycles. > T-Bone: For some reason, my "Kat Kommandos" comics are coming to mind. Wildcat: If I know my comics, the dialogue's probably the same. > Gamechamp: Green, fix those bikes. The rest of us will battle! > > Narrator: Now we have an even more interesting battle that the > previous one. Razor: (Dogbert) Obviously, this guy will read anything you hand him. > What will Lemonjello do to make our heroes' journey even more > miserable? Will our heroes survive this battle despite the recent > additions of Dark Magus and Yami Yoshi? Find out on the next chapter > of ,crack//DEFLECTION! > Wildcat: (Narrator) If you have any questions, please ask my receptionist while I practice my awesome bass voice. Need to keep in practice, you know. > > > *In the castle* > > Soldier: Sir, the Illuminati are approaching at a rapid rate! > > King: Alright, we have no choice. Go to...The Vault. T-Bone: We're already here, so why even bother? > > Soldier: Yessir! > > *The soldier walks down a winding hall to a giant vault; Tails: It stops winding and sends him spinning backwards. > He enters a combnination and the safe opens, reavealing enough > Doritos to feed the entire world for several years; the soldier hears > a noise* > Wildcat: He hears a pack of mutated rodents using the Doritos as their new food supply. > Soldier: What was that? > > *Suddenly, the soldier's face goes blank and he slups over dead. A > dark zora presses some buttons on his watch and the doritos fly into > his bag* T-Bone: Chicken wings, meet tortilla wings. > > Zora: Yes - the Unlimited carrying cheat. Works every time. (Everyone else looks at Wildcat) Wildcat: What are you looking at me for? (Everyone else turns back to the screen and stifles laughter) > > *He presses some buttons on his watch to activate the Teleportation > Cheat; he appears in an old warehouse; a monkey in a trenchcoat > approaches him* > Tails: Mobster voiced by Donkey Kong. > Velvet Monkey: Good job, Gameshark. You live up to your title of > Master Cheater. > T-Bone: (Gameshark) Just call me...Jaws. > Gameshark: Thanks, sir. Here are the Doritos you requested. *he > empties the bag; the doritos fill the warehouse* (Wildcat meows hungrily. The others ignore him) > > Velvet Monkey: Perfect. Seal off this warehouse - and get some dip! > Razor: (singing to himself) Velvet Monkey...the funky monkey... > ------------------------------------------------- > > SMBHQ Ongoing Story Board Presents Tails: Twice, we're asking nice. Four, we're feeling sore. > > ,crack//DEFLECTION Chapter 4 > > Starring: > T-Bone: And now, just to trick you into thinking you don't have any friends, the cast list. > DVGBA > > Game Master > > Gamechamp Razor: If it wasn't interesting the first time, it's not going to be interesting the fourth time. > > Also Appearing: > > Lupus > > Napoleon Wildcat: Autographed Napoleon Lajoie baseball cards go on sale this weekend, provided no one messes up. > > Fred > > Ed > > Greatluigi T-Bone: Welcome to the business world, kid. > > GTX > > Robot Team (Black, Blue, Yellow, Green) > Wildcat: Reminds me of the first time I tried fingerpainting. > Princess Terry > > Dark Magus > > and more Tails: ...people whose powers are strange and names are even stranger. > > Special Thanks to: > > Game Master > > Gamechamp T-Bone: They both wanted to be named the same. They eventually reached a compromise. > > Ed > > No Thanks to: > Razor: Everyone else. > Lupus and Napoleon (stop posting pictures, please) > > Fred (stick with the plot) T-Bone: Try using Superglue. > > GTX (Illuminati is going down soon!!!) > > Greatluigi > > Dark Magus > Tails: All these people whined about not having a larger role in the story. Wildcat: (annoyed) And they didn't want any cheese with it, either. > ------------------------------------------------- > > *back to the battle* > > Lemonjello: Now you will be destroyed! Get them, Pierce Brosnan > clones. Tails: Who's Pierce Brosnan? T-Bone: Later, kid. Action scene in progress. > > *several Pierce Brosnan clones in their Formula 1 cars charge towards > our heroes* > Razor: Theoretically. > Game Master: Pull out our swords and cut those tires. > > *several heroes manage to pull out their swords and cut a tire from > several cars, while others dodge with a narrow escape* Wildcat: The Dodge Escape: get it before it runs away. > > Lemonjello: Impressive plan, but don't celebrate too early. > > *the flattened tires return to their normal state* > Razor: Pump up the volume. > Lemonjello: Those are not normal tires that these cars are equipped > with. Oh no... I've installed "tyres" instead. > > Gamechamp: That's impossible! T-Bone: So you've finally figured it out. Too late. > > Yami Yoshi: How dare you change around the words? > > Lemonjello: That's easy. Because my language is "slightly" modified, Wildcat: (Lemonjello) Meaning that for each extra word I talk, I get an additional two words! Tails: He'll probably just misspell them, too. > things are more different that you first realized. You'll learn as > this battle progresses. But first, you'll become today's special, > "Hero Pancakes"! > Razor: Good thing they're not "Heero" pancakes, or you'd have a squad of Gundams chasing after you. > *the F1 cars driven by the Pierce Brosnan clones are speeding towards > our heroes* > > Yellow: I think I know of a way to get rid of those tires... T-Bone: Or whatever it is they're called. > *an elemental beam surrounds him, then dissappears* This is my > elemental power, special powers I learned before Gamechamp, the > biggest brother of us 5, bacame leader, Tails: (Yellow) ...and before being a leader wasn't considered very becoming... > and we were just a bunch of wanderers looking for something of > interest... this one I'm about to use is the fire element... *he > starts running toward the cars* FIRE PUNCH!!!!! Wildcat: Whoa..."Flashback in a Can". Must've seen the coupon at the grocery store. > > *he punches through air, and a wave of fire comes out, melting the > metal of the cars and burning up the clones* > > LJ: Noooooooooooooooooo!!! > Razor: (mockingly) Yeeesssssssss! > Yellow: Take this, you monster!!! > > *he runs up and starts choking Lemonjello, then throws him far away, > and a bottle of Lemon Juice is left behind* Tails: Good...something non-dairy. > > GC: Good job, Yellow! > > *they run over to him, and Yellow takes the Lemon Juice* > > Yellow: This stuff may be useful to me sometime... T-Bone: Stands to reason, don't it? > > Green: Hey! The Rotorcycles are fixed! We can go now! > > *and so, after getting ready, they head towards the next town...* Wildcat: Which is actually a Dark Age metropolis. > > *while our heroes are on their way to Mortalia, they may already be > too late; the Illuminati arrive at the Mortalia Castle in their APC* > > GTX: Here we are everyone. Razor: (GTX) Just don't forget to tip me. > > *just at the APC was about to get to the drawbridge, it opens > revealing a moat* > > GTX: BRAKES!!! T-Bone: Coffee? Where? > > *it was too late, as the APC has fallen into the moat; only one > person managed to escape while the APC floated away to a river* > Tails: (GTX) I forgot...the moat *was* the brake. > *inside the castle* > > King: It was a good thing the jester closed the drawbridge just in > time. > Wildcat: Malcolm the jester? Great; Westwood's getting a ton of royalties now. > Knight #3: Why do you have to rely on a jester to do the work? > > King: Well, it's better than having me do the work. OK jester, open > the bridge. T-Bone: (jester; chuckles) Hey, that was funny. One more! > > *the one person that managed to escape turns out to be GTX; as he was > about to get out of the moat, the drawbridge drops down onto GTX's > head, knicking him out as he floats to the river* Tails: (Yosemite Sam; muffled) Close it! Close it! Close it up again, varmint! > > *our heroes are following the river to what Game Master believes goes > to Mortalia* > > Gamechamp: I always wanted to meet a king of some sort. > > Yami Yoshi: I've been hearing rumors that this "king" has a low IQ > and loves to eat butter. Razor: Again with the dairy products, on three! > > Dark Magus: That's gross! Who would have the right mind to eat > butter? > Wildcat: (hisses) Oh, do shut up. T-Bone: (chuckles) Annoyed by the fanfic much? Wildcat: You have no idea. (hisses again) > DVGBA: Well, it's better than nothing. That's for sure. > > *our heroes discover the floating APC that has been coming from the > castle* > Tails: (dumb voice) Oooooh...hollow. > Gamechamp: I guess the Illuminati has had an accident. Black, see if > you can get the Princess from there and hide in a safe place. > Razor: (Gamechamp) By "safe", I mean "not around here." > Black: Of course, I know the place where the Princess and I will hide > out for at least a while. *to DVGBA* You'll take control of my > Rotorcycle. > Wildcat: (Black) Be careful; 3rd gear defaults to "reverse". > DVGBA: But I don't know how to... > > Black: You must. I have my trust in you, so don't fail. Razor: Must not be much, or he would've given him the keys too. > > DVGBA: Fine. I'll try my best. > > *so Black jumps off his Rotorcycle and lands on the floating APC in > perfect timing whild DVGBA takes control* T-Bone: (annoyed) Hit Start already! > > Black: I hope that hacker guy isn't in it. *he cuts a hole on the > roof with his swords* > > Infantry #41: Hey look, that useless robot from earlier. Tails: (Infantry #41) He slices, he dices, and...that's it. > > Black: I'm not as useless as you think. Now I'll take the Princess. > *does so* And I shall leave. *with the Princess in his arms, he jumps > off the APC and back onto land, putting her down* Wildcat: Confucious say: it ain't ever that easy. > > Princess Terry: Wow! I'm so glad you came and saved me. We must hurry > to the castle. > T-Bone: (Gamechamp) We'll send you a crown when we get there. > Black: I'm afraid it's too dangerous for that sort of thing. I know a > place where you can be safe. I'll protect you in case of danger. > > Princess Terry: *blushes* *to herself* Wow... he's so brave... Razor: (Princess) ...for a talking tin can. > > *so Black escorts Princess Terry to a safe place as our heroes soon > arrive in Mortalia; they reach their location at the city and end up > also find something else...* > > DVGBA: Oh god!!! > Wildcat: Teh. And you honestly think he's interested? > Gamechamp: What in the world is that? > > *a huge mess of pulsating cables and wires attacted to sockets of > joints of what seems to be a limbless torso* > > ???: Absorb data, destroy network, create new cybernetic order... Razor: Send an e-mail that says, "Buy me a new mouse pad or I'll crush you." > > Ed: Who are you? what are you? > > Pasta: I am Code Pasta, Parasitic Atronentix Silicon Terminal > Android, I was created to serve as this game's protection bot, T-Bone: (Pasta) My favorite food is spam. > my programing has gone far over understanding how pitiful humans are, > I will take over you senseless internet and electronic devices Tails: So you can try to understand THEM? Knock yourself out. > in the name of a new beginning! *he begins whipping his cables > blowing us off the cycle and leaving our heroes to fight this giant > mass of machines* Wildcat: It's as if all the run-ons were taken and crammed into a single sentence. > > Ed: DIE YOU OVERSIZED PEST!! > > Pasta: Your attempts to crush me are useless... *three cables lunge > at Ed at stab right into his back while he was in mid air trying to > pull off a downward slash attack* Razor: Get an "Ed" today. Now comes with free cable. Wildcat: You seem alright with this... Razor: This is an RPG. He'll be back. > > Ed: Gahhh!!! > > *back in the real world, Ed screams in pain as he ends up passing out > leaving his mind mentally connected to the game* T-Bone: Wake him when its over. > > Ed: AHHH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! > > GC: Holy !%3(! that thing is gonna kill Ed! *GC runs at the cables > holding him with a sword ready to slice him down until a huge thick > electrical wire fries GC* Tails: Invisibly... > I.. am the... googoo ga... hello uncle! *head blows off* > > DVGBA: Darn robots... Razor: (DVGBA) One second they're champions, the next they're in need of repairs. Talk about your lousy construction... > > Ed: *his eyes glow red as he's dropped down by Pasta...* ...I obey... > Kill... *goes into a combat position...* > > *suddenly, Ed fainted because of mental insanity* > T-Bone: Wonder why that didn't happen earlier. > DVGBA: Weird... that robot... it's not the Code Pasta. > > Yellow: Oh darn! I wanted to beat up that creature. Tails: If Ed and GC couldn't do it... Razor: Let him be, kid. > > Blue: Gotta wait until next time. > > Game Master: We should split up. We now have two tasks at hand. Wildcat: #1: you have to duplicate famous gourmet dishes, while #2: flying vintage combat aircraft against the Nazi menance. Also known as "Secret Recipes of the Luftwaffe." (3) > > DVGBA: I would agree. > > *after a while of group-ups, the following people head for the > castle: DVGBA, Yami Yoshi, and Dark Magus; the others head for the > Mortalia haping to have Ed, Gamechamp, and the badly infected robot > healed* T-Bone: Who wants to say this story will be a lot longer as a result? Wildcat: Save your breath, T-Bone. > > *meanwhile, with Black and Princess Terry* > > Black: Well.. here we are. Tails: (Black) The world's largest collection of trading cards. > > *they enter an empty cave* > > Princess Terry: Are you sure this is safe? > > Black: Considering this is where I meditate... yes. > > Princess Terry: You're weird. All: We know that. Next! > > Black: *blushing* Ooh... *to himself* I hope that's in a good way. > > *nearby* Tails: Three cats and a fox are trying to make as many smart remarks as possible. > > *GTX is seen being washed up at a river bank, he slowly gets up and > takes a looks around* Razor: (GTX) Hey, this isn't the Coca-Cola Classic! Where's that map? > > GTX: No... sign of life... *quickly gets up* Wait a minute... *after > having a double take (this time using X-ray vision) he realizes that > someone is nearby* Wildcat: Superman's come to smack him for stealing that ability. > Hmm... that same robot is in there, but he has the Princess. But > where is the APC? > > *quite far down the river* > > Infantry #631: Quick GL, we've gotta do something. > T-Bone: You can start by resigning. > GL: What am I supposed to do. I don't know how it's like to be in > charge. > > Infantry #153: Uhh... for starters, we can get out of this APC before > it goes down a waterfall. > > GL: Capital idea! Let's move. Tails: Capital idea for a capital vehicle. Wildcat: (to the others) How many kids do *you* know that use the word "capital" in everyday speech? > > *GL and a bunch of nameless infanty get out of the APC before it > falls down a waterfall. > > GL: *pointing upstream* If we can go this way far enough, we'll find > GTX soon. Razor: (GL) We'll have to be careful; he's a slippery fellow. Wildcat: Maybe you should leave the bad puns to me, Razor. Razor: And miss your look? No way. > > *and so the group sets off in search of GTX* > > *meanwhile, a guy hidden in the dark is watching all this on > numberous monitors* T-Bone: (mysterious guy) All these bright lights... > > Guy: Well... this is getting very interesting now. But that dumb > handheld machine is ruining all this. Guards! > Tails: Really? I didn't know that. T-Bone: (sarcastic) And what have *you* done with your time today, huh? > *several gangsters enter* > > Gangster 1: What is it boss? > > Guy: You've had an envounter with that wide boy earlier today, is > that correct? > Razor: (guy) He's carrying a "Metroid" game with him now. Am I right? > Gangster 2: That is true. > > Guy: Please explain. > > Gangster 1: We were going to beat up a masked guy who stepped on our > property. Wildcat: (gangster) He spun around and smacked us, yelled "somebody stop me!", then spun off. > > Gangster 2: Then this were lookin' dude and we were suddenly frozen > with a tornado of ice. > Tails: (gangster) And then we landed on the ground hard. > Guy: I'm amazed at the feat of this kid you guys faced. But I'm not > impressed on how you handled it. > > Gangster 1: We're sorry boss! Razor: Yeah, sorry that you're ineffective against the *heroes* of the story. > > Guy: That will be enough. Now I have to finish the job. He and a > couple of new friends are invading the property. > > *footsteps are heard as well as a change in costume, followed by more > footsteps, this time going downstairs* Wildcat: (sporting goods salesman) What do you know? Open-toed baseball shoes! > > *meanwhile, at the cave...* > > Black: *his eyes pop wide open as he quickly stood up* @-@-@a^#!! T-Bone: (Black) Yaaaahhh! That's cold! > He's like a bullet, in no more than 40 seconds he'll be at our exact > location! He must be locking on to something to find us! Tails: Sounds like the "Great Luigi" has struck again. Razor: I wonder if he and Yami Yoshi were part of a team at some point. > It can't be our energy signals, the cave rocks block them. But... > maybe... *turns towards the Princess and finds a conviently place > tracking device implanted on her dress sleeve; BLACK tears it off > and crushes it in his hand* > Razor: (Black) I'll crush you like a bug! (Wildcat lowers his head, shaking it slowly) > Black: What!? No good! > > Princess Terry: What's wrong? > Tails: (mock-panic) He's discovered the secret cache of "Velveeta"! > Black: He's memorized our location we have to escape! > > *Black grabbed the PRincess and made towards the exit, but not before > hitting a 'wall'; the wall, turned out to be GL* Wildcat: (Black) It's like I'm talking to a brick wa---oh. Hey there. > > GL: Going somewhere? You and me, Black. Outside! > > Black: No! > > GL: I could just as easily kill you now... T-Bone: (GL) But since mommy wants me offline, I'd better do what she says. > > Black: Drat....very well. > > *back with GTX* Wildcat: (Narrator) Meanwhile, back in the jungle... > > GTX: You know, somebody's gonna die now. Time for another hack... > *pulls out a small device similar-looking to a cell phone* T-Bone: Bought it in Motowall. Razor: Or its' sister city, Temobill. > Intelligence? I'm gonna need to use the Warp Cheat. Transport me to > the location of Princess Terry and make it quick. > > Intelligence officer: Right away, commander. Stand by... Razor: And the "intelligence" officer pushes the wrong button and levels up the heroes by 10. > > *soon, GTX arrives at the scene of the battle* > > GTX: Short and sweet. T-Bone: Except for leaving your foot behind at the river. > > Black: Darn! You guys just don't quit. > > GTX: It's too bad you're all alone. Tails: (Bugs Bunny) Do you ever get the feelin' you're bein' watched? > > GL: Give up the Princess. > > Black: *grins* Make me. > Wildcat: Make me make you. > *at the Mortalia Hotel* > > Game Master: OK, Ed and Gamechamp should be back alive any minute. > > Blue: Hey, how was it like to be in a killed state? T-Bone: (Game Master) Couldn't tell. In this game, it's too temporary. > > Game Master: It felt... dark. Like I was blind, only for a few > minutes. As of right now, Ed and Gamechamp are seeing the same thing > that I have seen. Of course, they are not the only ones that are > experiencing this and... > > *suddenly, the rest of the robot team hear a beep* Wildcat: (Green) My computer's finished defragging! > > Yellow: It looks like Black is in trouble. > > Blue: But we can't go anywhere until Gamechamp wakes up? Tails: (Yellow) You got it. > > Yellow: I guess you're right, but maybe if two of us go now while the > other one waits for Gamechamp to awaken. T-Bone: (Yellow) I'll page you when we find Black. > > Green: I'll stay back. I'm still fixing up this robot. It'll be a > while until it is repaired. Wildcat: (Green; as Dilbert) Your pager number has a tilde. How do I dial a tilde? > > Game Master: Hmm... > > *then, all of a sudden, Ed and Gamechamp get up* Razor: The power of "hmm" saves the day again! > > Ed: Oww... I got crushed real bad. > > Gamechamp: What... was that thing? > Tails: A software designer's biggest nightmare? > Game Master: There's nothing to worry about. But I fear that Black is > in danger. > > Yellow: We should do something about it. Wildcat: Mysteries Inc. would love these guys, all right. > > Gamechamp: OK, Green, find out about that robot thing. The rest of > the robot team will get to Black. T-Bone: How much do you owe them, anyway? > > *the robot team gets to their Rotorcycles and begin to get to Black's > position; Green finally debugs the robot and it speaks* > (Wildcat barks) > Pasta?: Ughh... GAH!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MISCREATED BLOB OF > SPAGETTI!... wha? where am I? even yet... why am I not connected to > the mainframe? > Razor: The CPU despised you. Guess it doesn't like Italian cuisine. > Green: It was dangerous to let you stay connected to those cables any > longer... who are you? > Tails: (as pasta) I'll ask the questions around here. Who am I? That's a good question, right? > ProtoPasta: Im a Code Pasta prototype before the actual thing was > made... Pasta took me over and used me to create obstacles out of raw > data to attack you guys... Wildcat: (Human Torch) Flame on! > > *the stubs where Pasta would have arms and legs have a bunch of > cables come out which form into limbs; Pasta walks over to a window > and then flicks his pointer finger in the air; out of no where a > butterfly appears and flutters away* Razor: No fair. He cut and pasted that thing in! > > ProtoPasta: When the final pasta was made it went hangwire... someone > hacked into the main programming and completely rearranged the > motherboard in the project. Now that thing is gonna wreak cyberspace > as we know it... > T-Bone: Which probably won't be a total loss. > GM: Why wont you stop it? you did beat a few of us into plup a while > ago. > Razor: Beyond damage to grammar integrity, it's not that strong. > ProtoPasta: Its not in my programming, I'm only made to create, not > destroy... *streaches a arm out and creates a warphole* > > Ed: What are you doing? Wildcat: (ProtoPasta) What, you never saw someone streaching before? > > ProtoPasta: You must leave this city... It's gonna be struck by a > virus... > > Green: What about you? Razor: (Green) Contrary to popular belief, you *are* part of this story! > > ProtoPasta: I'm gonna have to create a firewall program and capture > it here, I dont know if i'll make it, but real lives are more > important that a machine... Tails: That a machine would what...is that a question? You tell me. > > *over the horizon a giant mass of scambled text is leaving behind a > destroyed landscape as it nears the city* Wildcat: Double negatives, run-ons, and tongue twisters galore! > > GM: Come on guys lets go!! > > *everyone jumps in and teleports far off into another realm of the > game; inside the great clock, massive gears shift and other strange > inventions move in the giant land of ironworks* Razor: Enough tocking to tick anyone off. (Wildcat shakes his head again) > > *DVGBA, Yami Yoshi, and Dark Magus have been looking around the > castle for the past half-hour* T-Bone: (DVGBA) So where's that Forrester guy you keep telling me about? > > Yami Yoshi: The king can't be found anywhere. > > Dark Magus: yeah, it is too big of a castle. Tails: (as Shaggy) Maybe the monster's *outside* the castle. Yeah, I'm gonna search over there. (laughs nervously) > > DVGBA: Maybe the king has been following us the whole time. > > ???: You're right. > > *the trie turn around and they found the king* Razor: Specifically *anti-*climatic. > > King: Have you been looking for me? > > Yami Yoshi: That's right. We came to inform you that the Illuminati > are heading here. > T-Bone: (to Razor) So what's this about a "secret" organization? (Razor shrugs) > King: I already know and they have been gone. All part of my plan. > > Dark Magus: You plan. Wildcat: (King) Yeah, I plan. You got a problem with that, bozo? > > King: That's right. You see... all this talk about my daughter... is > a lie. > Tails: Asleep? > DVGBA: IMPOSSIBLE! You can't screw with us like that. > > King: Guess what? I can. Wildcat: (sighs angrily) Typical. He's so dumb, he doesn't even know what he's saying. > I know everything about what you guys have been doing. Your attempts > at heroism will be stopped now. You're about to witness a battle like > any other. T-Bone: (King) And since I have the only VCR, you can't come in! Tails: (giggles; to himself) "Heroism"? > > DVGBA: A fight with the king. You're... kidding, right? > > King: Go ahead and laugh as you three will be going up against... > *unmasks himself* D-Mob! Razor: Too good for an E, not good enough for a D minus. > > DVG, YY, and DM: WHA...? > > D-Mob: Yep... exactly the kind of reaction coming out from you > weaklings. Wildcat: D-Mob, D-King, D-Ork. > I created this game as a way to kidnap the game players and use them > for my bidding. After i lost control of the underground fight clubs Tails: (D-Mob) ...I decided that underground whiffle bats were a lot safer. > in New York City, I decided to try someplace else. Where else can > attract more people than an MMORPG? > T-Bone: A meeting for "Lost In Space" fanatics? > Yami Yoshi: But what about that Code Pasta? > > D-Mob: It was created to destroy those that don't listen to my > demands. Razor: They just "listen" to your demands. You never said anything about actually obeying you. > > Dark Magus: And Princess Terry. > > D-Mob: That's a robot, programmed to distract you from my plans. > Tails: (D-Mob) But now that I've found my library card, you're free to go. > DVGBA: Well, none of these are going to work on us. You have gone too > far with your plan. > > D-Mob: Enough talk. Now, time to die!!! Razor: (DVGBA) We keep coming back, so why bother? > > *meanwhile, in the cave* > > GTX: Well, I'll leave you to GL. 'Till next time, buh-bye. Yoink! T-Bone: Must be related to both Shaggy and Sora. Wildcat: Shaggy and who? T-Bone: Tell you later, kid. > > *grabs Princess Terry and runs out of the cave* Intelligence! Beam > me a tank here, now! > > *In a flash of light, a Yellow Comet Army medium tank appears* Wildcat: ...and is immediately blasted by a Gray Meteorite Army Obelisk of Light. > > Tank Commander: Get in! > > GTX: All right, start 'er up and let's go. > > *the engine for the medium tank struggled to start* Tails: Intelligence doesn't invest much in gasoline, does it? > > GTX: HURRY! I hear Black coming! > > *indeed, Balck came out of the cave and uses his karate chop skills > on the tank* T-Bone: (GTX) Must've been seeing things. > > Tank Commander: *coming out of the tank* Hah! You missed. > > *all of a sudden, the medium tank breaks apart* Razor: That's right. How do you karate chop a tank and *miss?* > Black: Correction, you missed. *grins* I believe this belongs to me. > *takes the Princess and runs* > > Princess Terry: Wow! You saved me, again! Wildcat: Great; a sarcastic princess. That's the last thing we need. > > Black: Get used to it. C'mon! We have toget outta here. > > *they spot Gamechamp and the others minus Green* Tails: Minus Green...wonder what color *that* gets the Robot Team. > > Gamechamp: OK Robot Team, try to push back the Illuminati while > Black is ahead of them. > > *they then ran foward, unaware of the dangers they'll face while > Black, with Princess Terry, runs back to Mortalia* T-Bone: The whole fight turns into a shoving match while they're away. > > *back in the Martalia Castle* > > *DVGBA, Yami Yoshi, and Dark Magus charge towards D-Mob, but he > pushes them away with little effort* Razor: Bud, which fight were you talking about? T-Bone: *chuckles* *You* figure it out. > > D-Mob: Where's the challenge boys? > > DVGBA: You've seen nothing yet. > Wildcat: (D-Mob) I'll ditch the sunglasses, if that'll make you happy. > *DVGBA jumps into the air; his arms and legs retract into the > handheld, spins himself around, and hurls himself into D-Mob > knocking him into a pillar; DVG's arms and legs reappear as he > lands on his feet* Tails: Razor, I've got a question: do characters in fanfics have to defy every sort of scientific law without knowing it? Razor: I'll answer in a second. > D-Mob: So it was you those guys were talking about... but you'll > soon be useless with... *pulls out a yellow crystal* THIS! > > *all of a sudden, DVG starts to get into a fetal position* Razor: With stories like these, you don't need to worry about the laws of physics being acidentally broken...because they're done intentionally. Tails: I see. Thanks. > > DVGBA: Oh... no... that... can't be... > > D-Mob: That's right. The Cheap Post Cyrstal, your biggest weakness. > > Yami Yoshi: I knew something was going to happen. But... the Cheap > Post Crystal? That's laughable. T-Bone: (D-Mob) Bought it at the jewelry store for only $15! > > Dark Magus: The Cheap Post Crystal was created by the Illuminati to > prevent DVG from becoming a forum hero. Whenever he tried to fix up > a crashed party, all the Illuminati have to do is pull out that > crystal and he's in a sudden fetal position. Razor: (to Wildcat) Guess you won't be able to hit the buffet, then. (Wildcat's head turns slightly, but he doesn't say anything) > > Yami Yoshi: This is pure madness! We must do something. *he starts > rushing towards D-Mob* > > Dark Magus: *to himself* This will be interesting... > Tails: Promises, promises. > *before YY could kick the crystal off D-Mob's hand, he gets grabbed > by the neck and is lifted off the ground* > > D-Mob: I sense a wanna-be hero here. I don't like that kind of > attitude. Wildcat: Oh, come on. Everyone wants a dinosaur! > > *Dark Magus was standing still, watching the horror unfold* > > Dark Magus: *thinking* Oh no... I am the only one to do something > about this. But... what can I do. Wildcat: Help them out. But first, dance a flamenco. > > *meanwhile, with Gamechamp and the robot team* > > Gamechamp: We must get to the castle to warn DVG about the > Illuminati. T-Bone: Sounds exciting. > > Black: I sure hope the King was informed about this. > > *the robot team, on the Rotorcycles, get to the castle quickly, > however...* Tails: (pretends to read something) You must be this tall to enter the castle. > > Blue: The bridge is up! > > Gamechamp: Quick! Let's use our grappling hooks. > Razor: Multi-purpose robots...now all we need are some vacuum attachments, and we're set. > *with grappling hooks in hand, the robot team scale the walls of the > castle; back inside* > > D-Mob: So... are you planning to return to evil? > > Yami Yoshi: *chocking* Evil?! > All: "Chocking"? > D-Mob: So these two don't know. Tell them while their ears are > uncovered. > > Dark Magus: Fine. I'll tell them. I... > Razor: (Dark Magus; as Agent K) ...am just a figment of your imagination. > *all of a sudden, a shouting of the phrase "Robot Team!" is heard as > they crash through the ceiling, landing inbetween DM and D-Mob* > > D-Mob: What? Those fools! How did they manage to stop the > Illuminati?! Tails: For a recap, please re-read the story. Thank you, and come again. > > Gamechamp: Let's just say thet there was a error in their plan. > > D-Mob: You're just in time to witness the biggest surprise of them > all. Say it Dark Magus! T-Bone: (Dark Magus) That error you mentioned? It was more like a mistake. > > *the robot team becomes stunned at what DM is about to say* > Razor: ...and then decided to hear it before thinking of a reaction. > Dark Magus: I... I'm... a spy... I used you guys as a distraction > from D-Mob's plan. He was dressed as the King and created a robot > named Princess Terry to be used as a prinsoner by the Illumiati. > Wildcat: (chuckles weakly) Major malfunction lately? > Black: Is... this true Princess Terry? > > Princess Terry: Yes... it is unfortunately true... I'm sorry. *runs > off crying* > T-Bone: (D-Mob) Hey, clean that oil off the floor on your way out! > Black: Wait! Come back. *runs after the crying Princess( > > D-Mob: You see now. All of this is true. And nothing you guys can do > will stop me. Ahahahahahaha! Tails: Why do evil people laugh like that? Razor: Combination allergies and hay fever. > > *suddenly, everyone started to fade away* > > Yellow: What's... happening? > T-Bone: (deep voice) This...is...Jeopardy. > *they have appeared in a giant clock* > > D-Mob: Hey! What the !*^%s going on here? Wildcat: Your face just stopped a clock. > > ???: I've been waiting for you for a long long time. Did you miss me? > > D-Mob: That voice... you're... Razor: (D-Mob) I ordered a lava lamp from you last week, and I never got it! What gives? > > ???: That's right. I'm the one known as ProtoPasta. > > *the rest of the group appears* > Tails: It is time for the annual Robots convention! > Green: You see, there was one thing you were forgetting about your > plan. You forgot to destroy your little friend, but I managed to fix > him up. > T-Bone: Boy, if only slapping something with a wrench worked for real. > Ed: Now, you will pay for your crime. We have control of the Code > Pasta. > > Game Master: And we deactivated the effects of the Cheap Post > Crystal. Wildcat: (Game Master) Cheesasaurus Rex was kind enough to help out. > > D-Mob: Impossible. > > Gamechamp: Turn around and see. > > *D-Mob turns around and sees DVGBA, grinning at him* Razor: (DVGBA) Really *was* a cheap post...one punch and it cracked like an egg. > > DVGBA: You were chased out of New York, and the same will happen to > you in Knightmare Adventures. > > D-Mob: You %a#$@r&1! You all were forgetting that Dark Magus is on my > side. > Wildcat: Hey, Razor. That P-Chip you installed last week? I never got to thank you for it. Razor: Well, it was mostly for Tails' benefit. Wildcat: (shrugs) Him, too. > Dark Magus: I'm on no one's side. There was something that none of > you guys have known about. After the ProtoPasta was a failure, I was > captured by Lupus and Napoleon and... I became... *he suddenly goes > through an hidious transformation into...* Tails: ...something. > > Yami Yoshi: It can't be... T-Bone: (Daffy Duck) Neon Noodle? > > Game Master: So the rumors... are true... the Code Pasta is that Dark > Magus character. > Tails: One plot twist after another! Razor: (nods) Yeah. Slow down, or you'll crash! > Code Pasta: That's right. I'm the ultimate weapon of mass > destruction. Created to become a living #e@! to all who encounter. > What D-Mob said about me was a lie. The ultimate battle has finally > come! T-Bone: Ultimate Battle, Episode #41. Take #1...and action! > > Green: *yelling* Quick ProtoPasta! Get us out before he destroys > everything. > > ProtoPasta: *at the controls* I'm trying! There's gotta be something > that can log us all out. Tails: (laughs) I'm sorry. Say that again? > > Gamechamp: C'mon. We gotta run as far as possible! Wildcat: (singing) We just ran...we ran all night and day...couldn't get away. > > *everyone starts running from Code Pasta* > > Yellow: Where's Black and the Princess? > > DVGBA: We have no time, hurry! Razor: Major cause for alarm there. > > *Code Pasta continously grows bigger at a rapid pace, leaving them > all with almost no room to hode... until* > > ProtoPasta: I've GOT it! This our last hope. *he presses the big > button labeled "Log Out"* T-Bone: And that's all it took? Maybe I should consider programming things myself. > > *everyone disappears in a flash of light with the exception of Code > Pasta* > > Code Pasta: That foolish prototype. He'll learn some day not to mess > with... uh oh!?!? Razor: A hidden character soon to be unlocked. > > *Code Pasta has grown too large and explodes to pasta bits due to the > gears* Tails: (smacks his forehead) D'oh! Wildcat: Nice. > > *DVG gets shot out of a computer monitor into a wall, he suddenly > realizes that he is home* > > DVGBA: Was this... a dream? It can't be. T-Bone: Welcome to our nightmare. > > *he gets on the computer and notices something different on his > desktop* > > DVGBA: How did Black and Princess Terry get there? Razor: Instant Transmission? > > *on DVG's computer desktop* > > Black: C'mon Princess. It can't be that bad being a robot. > T-Bone: Yeah; you just need to recharge your batteries every twelve hours. > Princess Terry: But... I feel so heartless. > > Black: Don't say that. I am too a robot, but I'm very heroic. Wildcat: (Black) Watch me bench-press Megatron! > > Princess Terry: Are you sure...? > > Black: Princess, I am correct. As long as you are used to the fact > that you're a robot, everything will be just fine. Tails: In short, "You're a robot. Get used to it!" > > Princess Terry: *hugs Black* Thank you. I'm so glad you understand. > T-Bone: (Black) Yeah, as if. > Black: I love you. > > Princess Terry: I love you too. Tails: Their music's okay, but it's not that great. > > *they both get into a kiss; DVG is watching this happening and > smiles* > T-Bone: (DVGBA) Wow, I can actually smile. This is amazing! > DVGBA: You know. Seeing this gives me hope that I will one day be > able to get a girlfiend despite odds going against me. > Wildcat: About the same odds as me losing enough weight to squeeze through a faucet, and then asking CNN to televise it live. Razor: Slim? Wildcat: Right. > *he then spots an IM from Gamechamp saying "Have you seen Black?" DVG > then sends him a reply "Right in my computer." and attaches a > screenshot of Black and Princess Terry with it* T-Bone: Honey, we shrunk the robots. > > Gamechamp: *seeing the pictue* Hmm... I never knew Black had a thing > for girls. *grins* > Tails: Talking game devices have that effect on people, sadly. > Narrator: And so, everything turned out to be fine as our heroes > managed to escape the MMORPG Knightmare Adventures. But... the ,crack > saga has just begun. Razor: (Narrator) Soon it will be the ,fissure saga, and who knows how that'll end up? >Who knows what will happen next? But for now, our story must come to >a close. > > THE END! > > Wildcat: (Lokar, ala Space Ghost: C2C) Good-night all! Kiss, kiss! (Pause. The theater screen darkens a bit) Razor: (gets up) You know, that story wasn't really all that bad if you count out the comic book-style dialogue. (pauses) Amongst other things. Wildcat: (stretches) That's what worries me. I just wonder what the deal was with the cheese obsession. (shrugs) Oh, well. T-Bone: (nods; taps out a message in Morse Code) -The sooner we get Operation Takedown over with, the better.- Tails: (annoyed) I know you're bored, but what's with the constant tapping? T-Bone: Eh, forget it. (gets up and walks off-screen) Razor: Likewise. (Tails and Razor follow T-Bone off-screen, leaving Wildcat where he is. Eventually he gets up, walks a few steps, turns, sends a **raspberry** towards the screen and leaves) ------------ (1...2...3...4...5...6) ------------ (T-Bone, back to the civilian guise of Chance Furlong, enters the bridge with a laser welder in his hand. Spotting a note on the console, he picks it up and reads it) Chance: (reading) "Guys, I finished putting up the sensor shroud and a few other things. I'm going to rest for a few hours before I talk to Razor about some Satellite modifications. Stay frosty. Clawshu." (Chance shrugs, crumples up the note, and walks away) (Cut to inside the theater. Wildcat and Clawshu are playing a 2-player game of the original "Tetris") Wildcat: Fine time for you to take a break! Right in the middle of my highest score ever, too! Clawshu: Ha! The way YOU play, you'd only score 200 points before the music repeated itself! Wildcat: (snaps) You take that back, Doctor I.Q.! Clawshu: (laughs) Make me! Wildcat: Alright. I will! Clawshu: Not if I get to it first! (A Tetris is formed on Clawshu's side of the screen. At the same time, a Tetris is also formed on Wildcat's side) Both: SCORE! (realizing) Uh.... (The both of them look at each other and furiously start tapping away on the joysticks, each trying to out-do the other.) Wildcat: Hey, was there something wrong earlier? You looked transparent! Clawshu: Remember that sensor shroud I mentioned in that note? To you guys, I look see-through; to anything mechanical like the surveillance cameras or the heat sensors, they won't find me. Period! Wildcat: I'm surprised. You gave me the non-techie explanation. Clawshu: And what's THAT supposed to mean, Curtie? Wildcat: (growls) Don't call me that. I'm not a little kid. Clawshu: (sing-song) Curtie, Curtie, Cur-tie...(laughs) Wildcat: (growls) Just play the game. (Down on Mobius, Dr. Robotnik is chasing Coconuts around the lab) Scratch: (to Grounder) They've been at that all morning! Ten to one that Robotnik finds that CD in Coconut's forehead! Grounder: All right. You're on! (The screen slowly fades to black, fazing out completely when Robotnik shouts) Robotnik: THAT'S MY "LORDS OF THE REALM II" CD, YOU APE! WHERE IS IT?! (Cue closing credits) ----------------------------------------- > Game Master: There he is. The Velvet Monkey. > > DVGBA: Wait - you don't mean THE Velvet Monkey? ----------------------------------------- (1) -- Used both asterisks and capital letters. Yes, he was that shocked. (2) -- For some reason when I thought this up, I started thinking of an old website with the Pikachus dancing to some song from "Dr. Doolittle". Great...now I'M starting to see things. (3) -- That's not a real game...just a "Space Quest VI" reference. The narrator's a riot. Episode One: "The Blue Bomber" Episode Two: "Rock and Roll" Epsiode Three: "Technical Difficulties" Episode Four: "Nuke It!" Episode Five: "Star Trek: The Next Degeneration", "Shadows of the Past" Thanks to DVGBA for being patient with me. ------ Things are not looking good for Robotnik, people. Clawshu will be the final cog in Razor's plan to free the crew of the Satellite. What can I say? Considering that the Swat Kats' home planet has a lot of the same things that Earth has....why not? It's only natural that a feline double of "Tenchi Muyo's" Washu would exist somewhere (at least, as far as I'm concerned). I just hope you've enjoyed what I've done, because there's no turning back now. If you haven't enjoyed it....*shrugs* oh, well. To each his own. That brings me to the final statements of the document: Clawshu Mewkubi is the sole property of G. A. Curtis Wildcat (namely, myself), is based off a character from a certain anime, and shall not be used without my permission. **smirks, winks** Toodles! ***TRANSMISSION TERMINATED***